Things that bug the crap out of me (2)

I like this venting/bitching thing. Which only adds credence to my “I’m a malcontent” theory, alas…but I shall soldier on. Next up…rhythmic clapping.

You know how when you are at a concert (maybe not at the indie rock/bang-your-head/musical-accompaniment-for-drinking-beer type of concert, but more along the lines of the recital-y, “hey, let's all enjoy the music” type) and a semi-catchy or well known song starts and the rhythm is kind of bouncy and infectious so the audience starts clapping along? Yeah...I hate that. (And, it’s always on the down beat. People only clap rhythmically on the down beat, what’s up with that?)

There is very little need in life for rhythmic clapping. I mean, I guess the idea is to convey to the performer that you like the song and you want to show that you are with them, that you are enjoying what they are doing, so much so that you just had to find a way to participate with them, but then what? I’ll tell you what happens…people realize that songs are long. They think, “well, now that I’m clapping along, I guess I have to keep this up.” And they realize that they have like another 3 or 4 minutes or handclapping in front of them, which doesn’t seem that long until they realize that the clapping along got old after like 15 seconds. And, they can’t really enjoy the song, what with having to think about counting the beat and coordinating their motor skills and trying to figure out if they can stop clapping now that they started and whatnot. And, they can’t really even hear the music or lyrics over all the damn clapping, it’s all just a vague impression of the beat.

So people gradually get fed up and stop clapping along, only some of the die-hards keep it up for a while, so the clapping just peters out and makes it seem like everyone really liked the song at first, but now not so much. And god help everyone if the song has a tempo change, because most of the clappers don’t have musical skill or natural rhythm, so the clapping just goes all crazy and out of synch and it’s a train wreck.

Rhythmic clapping is something children do. It’s useful when you are just learning about music and coordination and such, and it goes along nicely with short, simple little ditties like This Land is Your Land or whatever (we sang that a lot in my pre-school for some reason.) But grown-ups, I implore you…save your clapping until the end of the song. Toss in a few “whoos”, throw up some devil horns, and let the band move along to the next number.

Easily annoyed

So, recently I've realized that I have a lot of complaints about stuff. All kinds if things, really....I think I'm just a malcontent. Regardless, I thought I would make use of this forum to vent my frustrations in a recurring feature I like to call "things that bug the crap out of me".

Our inaugural entry is inspired by watching today's Euro 2008 match. And the offending activity is...ridiculous "trademark" post score celebrations. Uch...

So the dude that scored the goal for Spain is a guy named Fernando Torres. His nickname is "El Niño" (The Kid), and his post goal celebration seems to consist of pretending to suck his thumb. I'm sorry, but that is just the stupidest thing ever. And apparently others do it too...

American football players are the worst, in particular Terrell Owens (that guy is just a nightmare in general) and Chad Johnson (who had even gone so far as to secure corporate sponsorship)

I'm all for celebrating your accomplishments. I love a good spontaneous celebration. I love when players run around the pitch doing that airplane thing, or when they form a big dog-pile after a goal. Ditto the Lambeau Leap. But pre-choreographed celebrations are not that. They are not a spontaneous outpouring of joy and jubilation. Choreographed celebrations are by definition calculated and they suck. They say, "the acclaim for scoring a goal or a touchdown or whatever isn't enough for me, I require the additional attention of having people see and talk about my shenanigans or dicky doo dance. Look at me, look at me, buy my endorsed products..."

Oh, and on a tangentially related matter, yea Spain! I'm happy they won. For some reason, I've never cared much for Germany, though Michael Ballack is quite hot...

An open letter to Rufus Sewell

So, I don't claim to have seen your entire body of work. Actually, I've probably only viewed a very small portion of it. But, based on my limited research, I offer this advice...try playing a nice guy once in a while.

By my count, your were a/the bad guy in the following movies: The Illusionist, The Holiday, A Knight's Tale, and Martha, Meet Frank, Daniel and Laurence. Those are just the ones I've seen. A cursory glance at a few plot summaries reveals that you were probably also not so nice in The Legend of Zorro and Bless the Child. I'm sure you have played a hero in some of your work, (seems like you might have been ok in Tristan + Isolde) and I have great hope for you upcoming foray into American television. It's just that lately it seems like every time I come across you, you are either playing a cad or a sociopathic nobleman.

The thing is, you are smoking hot, and god knows the ladies love a bad boy, just maybe not one that may kill her in her sleep. Just a heads up...

Twitter, ya'll.

It's like the insta-blog. When you have to know what people are up to right this very second! Look over there>>>>>>

To your right. It's addictive...

Sent from my iPhone

So long George

Aww…George Carlin.

I just saw him.

Such a funny dude.

Go Rocco

My dislike of Tiger Woods is pretty well documented amongst those who know me. Mostly, it’s because people act like no one ever played the game of golf before he did. Yes, he is a great player, and yes he may turn out to be the greatest player, but whatever. That doesn’t mean I want to buy a pair of Nikes from him, or a Buick, or his own freaking brand of Gatorade for christsake. (Really? "Gatorade Tiger"? Is that necessary in life? And it apparently has more electrolytes, which god knows golfers need more than say, basketball players or soccer players who run around for the entire length of their matches. And I know Tiger is supposed to be a work-out machine, so he needs all those electrolytes, but that just makes him seem even more like he’s no fun. Like he's one of those old Soviet-era Olympic athletes who were picked as a child to be the next great swimmer or gymnast or Greco-Roman wrestler or whatever based on some glimmer of natural ability, so they were taken from their parents and put into some sort of sports training program/camp where all they did was work on their performance levels and achieving perfection for their entire childhood and grew to see the game as their job at which failure was not an option...and that really doesn’t seem in line with sports as a “game” for which people are supposed to have a love. But, I digress. Sorry, the Tiger worship gets me all riled up, ya’ll)

Actually, my dislike of Tiger truly originated with him dissing the 60^th anniversary celebration of Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier in baseball the day after he became the first African-American to win a golf Major, to go open a sports bar, and because he didn't want to delay the start of his vacation by a day and a half, even though he was invited to attend personally by the President of the United States. Sigh, again, don’t get me started. That still pisses me off.

The point, of all this is, my Tiger issues aside, I’m rooting for Rocco Mediate to win the U.S. Open in today’s playoff. It’s a no-brainer; classic David vs. Golith. What would you rather see, the #1 ranked marketing machine win his 14^th major, or the 158^th ranked journeyman player win his first, while also becoming the oldest player to ever win the Open? Also, he seems like the anti-Tiger: amiable, funny, unassuming. Happy to be there and enjoying himself immensely.

And, he's planning to wear another crazy belt buckle (he wore the pictured peace sign on Sunday). I am alway pro crazy belt buckle.

Did you know...

That the US has more tornados than anywhere else in the world? Neither did I. Although, now that I think about it, it does sound right. You hear about tornados here everytime there's even a moderately severe thunderstorm. And they hit everywhere, midwest, south, cities, trailer parks...

Sent from my iPhone

He's got the right idea...

You know, Dennis Kucinich is a little nutty, but I really enjoy the fact that he keeps trying to impeach members of the Bush administration. First it was Chaney, now it's George himself. He's a fairly interesting dude. Even his trophy wife seems ok...

pointless opinions

You know, I always list stuff I'm perusing over in the reading, watching, listening section (again, part of my little fantasy that someone reads this) but it occured to me that I never say anything about it. So I will now start.

Recent reads:
An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England Overall it was OK. Hated the ending. Narrator was a bit of a sad sack, which got a little old.

Escape I'm all for religious tolerance, but these Fundamental Latter Day Saints people just ain't right. This is the story of a woman who managed to get out with her 8 children. (Incidentally, this is the same sect from Texas that has been in the news lately, although she got out before they moved to Texas.) Anyway, as expected the woman are treated horribly and everyone seems brainwashed to believe that no matter how miserable you are, you shouldn't complain or question because it's God's plan and if you disagree you will go to hell. Sorry, but my God don't play that way...

Promise not to Tell Good fast read, kind of a combo family drama and ghost story.

I Love You, Beth Cooper I really liked this one. I do love a good all night long teenage misadventure.

Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six M.I.T. Students Who Took Vegas for Millions I didn't really feel like seeing the recent movie, but the book was interesting. reinforced my previously held beliefs that 1. there is really no danger of me getting addicted to gambling (it's briefly entertaining, but I just don't get it) and 2. math is so not my thing.
I'll do movies and music later.

Ummm...I'm pretty sure it's the other way around...

Here I am

So, I've been off the blog lately. Mostly because I've been feeling a little blah lately, mentally speaking. Blah, blah, blah. Mentally blah. You know how it goes...

Actually, In addition to the mentally blah part, I was also sick for the last 3 days with some sort of annoying stomach bug featuring a fever and what we will euphemistically refer to as "gastrointestinal distress", so that sucked. I started writing something last week, but it was this long thing which I started writing but didn't finish and then I got sick and so it sort of languished there. I'll get back to it eventually.

In the meantime, I thought I would chime back in because I didn't want it to get to a month without putting something up here. Also, one of the 4 people who actually read this thing, the lovely Lady Byron, asked why I was so lame (I'm paraphrasing, she was of course much more diplomatic, as is her way.)

Anyway, I will update the reading, watching, listening items for now, and then spout off about other things in the next few days. And there you have it.