capricious one

I love a good oxymoron

2011-02-09T10:15:00.001-05:00

Plus, the book next to it is just called "Rock"

So many titles...

2011-02-08T15:25:00.011-05:00

So, this is the door to my new office, and as you can see, the main way to get to it is to wander through the library stacks. (Which is actually less obtrusive that walking through the student study area. Who wants to deal with them?)

Anyway, as you walk amongst the shelves, it’s impossible not to catch site of some of the titles passing by. And I have to tell you, it is an amazing assortment. I can’t stop looking at them. I stopped to take a picture of a particularly interesting one, and now I can’t stop. It's actually kind of a problem, because I have to leave my office approximately 50 times a day, and every trip, a new title catches my eye. And there's like 20 different rows I could walk down, so the possibilities are pretty much endless.

I thought I might share one a day, but how to choose? So many great ones, but I'lll have to pace myself. I'll start with my favorite so far (my attention was first caught by the title on the far right, but look how very many good titles can be found in such a small amount of shelf space):

In case you can’t make them out, titles include: Rogues and Scoundrels, Les Imposteurs, Romantic Liars, Romantic Rascals, Famous Impostors, and World's Wickedest Men. I think I need to know more of some of those and less of the others, although I'm not sure which is which.

Say what?

2010-06-20T14:03:00.005-05:00

So, I have this thing I do when I'm running. You know, to distract myself from the horribleness of the running. Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration. I mostly enjoy running, it's just that sometimes I need a little distraction from the actual doing of it. From the putting one foot in front of the other, the oh-jesus-am-I-really-only-halfway-done aspects of it.

Anyway, like most people, I listen to music while running, and I’ve started to notice that with nothing else to focus on while running, I pay more attention to the lyrics of whatever song happens to pop up on the iPod. I mean, usually when I'm listening to music, I'm also doing something else—driving, reading, cleaning, typing, general multitasking, what have you. But when I'm running, I'm pretty much just listening. As a result, I've begun to discover a number of differences between what up until this moment I thought the lyrics were, and what I have now actually discovered the lyrics to be. And I thought I would pass along some of these discoveries as I stumble upon them.

[An aside: I've discovered that this phenomenon is called a mondegreen, which is "the mishearing or misinterpretation of a phrase, typically a standardized phrase such as a line in a poem or a lyric in a song, due to near homophony, in a way that gives it a new meaning." Excellent word.]

I'll start with a little ditty by Creedence Clearwater Revival. I select them due to the fact that they are the purveyors of the classic misunderstood lyric “there's a bathroom on the right” (or bad moon on the rise, if you're looking for accuracy.) Anyway, I was listening to “Lookin' Out My Back Door” (which is an excellently paced song for running, if you are interested) and there is a line which I have now determine to be “tambourines and elephants are playing in the band” which I misunderstood a variety a ways. (And I preface this by saying that even the correct line it itself makes little sense. Songs are like movies and such, and you have to be down with the allusion and metaphor and suspension of disbelief and such. So, you know, there's an elephant playing in the band, deal with it.)

I had previously always thought this line to be “memories and elephants,” which made sense in my brain, since elephants are alleged to have excellent memories. I also thought it might be “Anne Marie's an elephant” which could either refer to an actual elephant named Anne Marie, or perhaps metaphorically to a girl named Anne Marie who was perhaps a bit on the large or unattractive side (although that would take the song into a meaner direction that the rest of the happy lyrics would indicate). Anyway, I maintain that my interpretations make at least as much sense as the actual words, but it's nice to know the correct words as well.

Ouch.

2010-04-26T09:31:00.002-05:00

I have a huge (and I mean HUGE) bruise on the back of my left calf. How did I get it you ask? Well, I’ll tell you – attempting to climb through my bedroom window. Why was I doing that, you ask? A reasonable question. Answer: I accidentally locked myself out of the house.

So, in order to get back in, I had to access the only window that was unlocked, which was my bedroom window. This situation has happened in the past (and here I would like to digress to point out that in this and other cases, the reason I was locked out of the house was not entirely my fault. In fact, I would go so far as to say very little of it was my fault. In my house, I never use the locks on the door handles, I only use the deadbolt. So, it’s not usually a problem for me to close the door behind me when I go outside, because if I want to lock the door, I have to use the key. But, on the occasions when someone else has been in the house – say feeding my cats while I’m out of town, as was recently the case – these other people tend to sometimes use the handle locks, which I have no way of knowing until I am locked out of the house)

Anyway, the last time this happened, I was able to get in through the window in the guest room, which is actually slightly closer to the ground than the one in my bedroom. Alas, that window was locked. So, I get this like, bench/stool thing from the backyard, put it under the window, and climb up. I get the window open, pry the screen loose, and shove the bed out of the way (yes, the bed is in front of the window, but fortunately I have hardwood floors and have therefore attached those little felt circles to the feet of all the furniture. In addition to keeping the floors from getting scratched, it makes it pretty easy to slide the furniture around.) Now, as I have said, this window is slightly higher off the ground, and as a result, the thing I was standing on was not quite tall enough to allow me to step through the window and onto the floor of the house. I tested it out by putting my leg through the window, and discovered that I would have to use my arms to hoist myself up to the windowsill while simultaneously not falling off the stool and not knocking myself unconscious by banging my head into the window itself—a prospect I was not sure I could pull off. So, I was standing there with one leg in the window, trying to decide the next move. That’s when the stool decided to fall over.

Luckily, it was near the exterior wall of the house, which it hit and which kept it from turning over entirely. But, it did leave me balanced on its steeply sloped surface hanging by one leg from the window sill. As the metal window frame pressed painfully into my leg and began forming the giant bruise on my calf, I tried to pull myself up, right the stool, and generally try not to break any of my vital body parts. I managed to extricate my leg, break the frame of the window screen, and fall on my ass, but was otherwise unharmed. Except for the aforementioned extremely painful and now huge and purple bruise, of course.

As my cats came over to help by attempting to escape through the now open and screenless window, I decided it was time to call in reinforcements. Standing on the now righted stool, I could reach through the bedroom window to the phone on my nightstand, which I used to call the holder of my spare keys to come over and let me the hell back in.

2010-03-10T13:51:00.003-05:00

Dear Chapstick,

I don’t know why I feel the need to mess around with those other lip balms. I'm weak and easily seduced by their glossy packaging and empty promises of healing powers and moisturizing goodness. Please forgive me. You know I always come back to you. You may not be sexy, Chapstick, but you work like a champ. Thank you for taking me back and offering my poor chapped lips your delicious strawberry protection from the blustery London winter. I promise not to stray again. Love, Liz

Casual shoppers beware.

2009-09-07T13:16:00.008-05:00

Ok, so I had to do a little shopping today, needing to acquire a birthday gift for the youngest member of the Byron clan. The Byrons live in England, so I opted to purchase my items directly from Amazon.co.uk, which saves me on having to do the international mailing myself. Plus, there's the added bonus of allowing me to do my usual pointless procrastinating while still getting the gift there in time for the actual event.

At any rate, I’m doing my browsing, shopping for a child’s gift, I remind you, looking at various games and toys and such. I click on one item that looks promising, and then down at the bottom in the “customers who bought this item also bought” section, I happen to notice that one of the suggested items is the item featured above. Not only that charmer, but also this. And this. And also this. And if you follow any of those links, needless to say it all only goes downhill from there.

So I ask you, how did I go from cute children’s arts and crafts kits to thongs, ball scratchers, penis jewelry, and masturbation guides in a single click? (Oh and as an aside, did you note the name of the wanking book author? If not, go back and look, I laughed aloud). I don’t recall encountering this issue on the US Amazon (although, it did point me randomly to this, now that I think about it). And who are these people who buy Borat thongs along with their children’s toys? (Also, why does such a thing as a Borat thong exist?) I’m all for multi-tasking, but I think these items might be better suited to separated purchases.

Excuses for why I suck:

2009-09-03T15:22:00.001-05:00

So, I haven’t written anything on this damn blog for a while. Even thought I do have a fairly legitimate excuse – I was out of town for 2 weeks with limited internet access – I will not deny that it is also largely due to the fact that I am feeling lazy and uninspired. But, they say the way to get over that sort of thing is to just write something, so that is what I am attempting to do.

Ok, and here is where I illustrate exactly how unmotivated I am by telling you that the previous paragraph was written on Monday. It is, of course, now Thursday. Yeah…that’s not so good. Alas.

But, I am going to post this when I get done typing it, so at least there will be a bit of blog action. And hopefully that will help to kick start my sorry ass into getting back into the groove.

Of course, now that I think about it, no one reads this thing anyway. So maybe I won't sweat it.

Word is dumb

2009-07-28T16:00:00.000-05:00

So, I’m writing up this letter at work the other day, and it has the word “information” in it a lot. (What can I say? I have a lot of information and I provide it to others. I’m nice like that.) Anyway, since I was using the word over and over, I thought I would try to use a few synonyms to mix it up a bit. I threw in “data”, but then I was stumped due to late-afternoon brain exhaustion. So, I decided to ask MS Word what it might suggest. This is what it gave me:>>>>

It’s “information” you idiot computer program, not “in formation”. Note the space. One word, not two. Plus, it’s like a totally common word, especially in the computer and business worlds. You would think Word would know it…

If you have to have ads, at least make them entertaining

2009-07-23T08:46:00.007-05:00

So, we're visiting both ends of the unsolicited advertising spectrum this week. First, I encountered the scary teeth in the previous post. But that was balanced out by this charming lad who also recently appeared in my yahoo mail.

That is just funny. It almost seems like it could be a fake ad in the Onion. Good for you, unnamed insurance company whose name I cropped out of the image and therefore don't remember now. That's some good comedy you've got there.

Teeth just look weird out of the context of the whole face...

2009-07-17T10:33:00.009-05:00

So this was the ad lurking over on the side of the screen in my yahoo mail this morning.

Don’t all of the teeth in this image seem a little scary, even the ones that are supposed to be the white shiny versions you want? The bottom ones have those super-red lips and menacing smile and look suspiciously like they might belog to Dr. Frank-n-Furter. You really don’t want them going all Rocky Horror on your ass.

The top pair is a little too “heh, heh, check me out, I'm-a gonna come over there and bite you. That’s right, look out here I come. Chomp, chomp, chomp, bitch.” (Also, in my head I hear the teeth saying that in the voice of Bruce the Performance Artist from Family Guy (and if you don’t know that voice, here are his greatest hits. He is my favorite character)

An open letter to people who use words

2009-07-17T10:15:00.005-05:00

Dear speaker,

Just a few things I would like to call to your attention:

Words that start with “es” should not generally not pronounced as if they start with “ex”, i.e. it’s es-specially, not ex-specially; es-spresso, not expresso. I noted this last week, but it seems to be spreading.
The abbreviation “vs.” does not stand for “verse”. It’s versus, people. Two syllables. Please use them both. "FSU versus Miami", not "FSU 'verse' Miami". That’s just lazy.
Please stop saying “chillaxe”. Just…stop.

Thanks ever so, Zil

7 unrelated things

2009-07-10T12:46:00.004-05:00

OK, so you know that new-ish Dell commercial, where the workers are in the factory making the laptops in the pretty colors and singing “Lollipop”? For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why they changed the lyrics to “her kiss is sweeter than a cherry pie” instead of an apple pie. I was like, "that’s weird. Is it because the computer is red? No…apples and cherries are both red." Then it finally dawned on me…Dell doesn’t really want the word “apple” anywhere near their commercial for their PCs. Duh. Sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake.
While I’m not generally in favor of political unrest and the overthrowing of governments and such, at least the recent events in Honduras have caused newscasters to have to say Tegucigalpa a lot, which is always entertaining. Definitely one of the most fun Central/South American capitals to say (along with Montevideo and Paramaribo. Actually, there are a lot of fun names down there like Tierra del Fuego. And Lake Titicaca. Hee...Titicaca.)
Have you ever noticed how many people pronounce “especially” like “ex-specially”? What’s that about?
I’m planning a conference at work, and I’ve been using this web service that lets you make and keep up with on-line registration forms and such. It’s called Wufoo. You know why? Because one of the guys who created it “really likes the Wu-Tang Clan and Foo Fighters.” That is awesome.
Why is it that everyone at work feels the need to constantly comment on what day of the week it is? I got several “Happy Friday’s” on my way in. (Along with a number of “I can’t believe it’s Monday already's” back at the start of the week.) Further evidence of my theory that work sucks and everyone hates it.
Just finished the Vanity Fair article on Sarah Palin. That is some good stuff! And just offers more evidence that that woman ain’t right. I would love to hear what the author thinks of her recent abrupt resignation.
I also just got finished watching the first season of True Blood on DVD. My problem now is that I know that season 2 has started over on HBO, but I’m not a subscriber. I really want to know what happens next, and I really don’t want to have it spoiled for me during the 9 or 10 months I have to wait for season 2 to come out on DVD. (I also just finished season 4 of Weeds, so ditto this problem with Showtime) I guess I will just have to occupy myself with Dexter (season 2), In Treatment (season 1), Rome (season 1), The Tudors (seasons 1), Californication (season 1), and of course there is always all those seasons of The Wire (which I have never watched, despite being told by critics and friends that is the best show that ever was on television ever). I guess all of that should take my mind off the vampires…

2009-07-06T14:38:00.007-05:00

As we stand here on the eve of the funeral of Michael Jackson, I’m remembering the last celebrity death that reached these epic proportions of media coverage, madness, and pubic outpouring of emotion…Princess Diana. Only that death seemed to be even more… well, even more everything. She was more beloved, her death was more shocking, her children more sadly orphaned. While both Di and MJ had endured public scandals, she had emerged victorious from hers. During the royal divorce she was perceived as the victim, people were already skeptical of the monarchy and were quick to believe that the end of the marriage was the fault of cruel, cheating Charles and his evil family. Their hatred of Di stemmed from her refusal to bow to their demands, to behave as they dictated, to “stay in her place.” People were happy to believe that she was simply too independent and fabulous to stay under the thumb of the outdated monarchy, and they embraced her as a single mother and woman of the people.

Measure that relatively mild disgrace against MJ’s various pedophilia charges, disturbing body modification, and increasingly erratic behavior. While MJ was going broke due to his excessive Neverland lifestyle, Di was doing charity work, crusading against landmines, and raising the future King of England. It’s generally agreed that Di put her children first, while MJ is best known for parading them around wearing veils and surgical masks and dangling them off balconies.

Add to all that the circumstances of their respective deaths. Di was a victim of the actions of others and circumstance – a passenger in a speeding car driven by a possibly drunk driver being chased by the hated paparazzi (the opportunity for lots of “they hounded her in life, and have caused her death” stories was just too good to pass up). MJ, on the other hand, was probably a victim of drug abuse and a lifetime of the indulgence that is granted to the rich and the talented.

Di even wins in the conspiracy theories surrounding their deaths. MJ’s doctors may have overprescribed him drugs and he may have been taking anesthesia-level sedatives. That’s nothing compared to all the pot-stirring that came from Mohammed Fayed – that Di was pregnant with his son’s child, and that the racist Royal Family arranged to have her murdered rather that see her with an Egyptian Muslim.

Anyway, I really had no strong feelings about Diana when she was alive (I was in elementary school when she married Charles, so I vaguely remember the wedding hoopla, but I really wasn’t that interested. I mean, I get the whole “fairy tale wedding/wanting to marry a prince” thing, but really, even to a ten-year-old, Charles didn’t seem like much of a catch.) Actually, her popularity is in my mind very similar to that of MJ. Whenever they would show a MJ related event where his fans were around (especially those super-crazy ones overseas) I could never understand what all the fuss was about. I mean, those people were fanatical…screaming and crying and waiting outside his hotel in the cold to catch a glimpse of him. What was all that about? I just never really got it. Same with Di. I admire anyone who uses their fame and resources to aid charitable causes, but otherwise, I never really gave her much thought. And while that may have been the case when she was alive, that certainly changed when she died. And that’s because I was living in London when it happened.

I was working for FSU’s London Study Centre. I had just arrived a few days before, and I was busy getting over jet-lag, settling in, meeting my new flat mates and coworkers, and getting things organized for the arrival of the next batch of students. I remember being asleep and hearing church bells ringing early in the morning. When I got out of bed a couple of hours later my flat mate told me that Princess Diana had died.

I’m sorry, MJ fans, but your outpouring of grief is nothing compared to what I witnessed in the UK. Maybe it’s because I’m not in Los Angeles or Gary, Indiana or Neverland or some other more MJ intensive locale. Maybe it’s because the UK is so very small compared to the vast United States, so the mourning was concentrated into a much smaller area. Whatever the case, the entire city (and country) was just at a complete loss. Just like in the last few days, I witnessed the same wall-to-wall, interruption-of-all-regularly-scheduled-programs news coverage. But, I also saw the madness in person out on the streets. I went out and walked around the city, and there were just so many places that people were mourning publicly. Over by Di’s residence, Kensington Palace, there were police officers everywhere, directing people out of the tube and into blocks-long lines to stream past the gates and leave their flowers and tokens. The piles of flowers, teddy bears, notes, and other items were huge (it is estimated that over a million bouquets were left there). Ditto at Buckingham Palace. At both Kensington and St. James Palaces, hundreds of thousands people waited in line to sign various condolence books.

Then there was the funeral itself (which I stayed inside for and watched on TV, like 2 1/2 billion other people) with the celebrities and the Elton John and the eulogies (including her brother striking out at her treatment over the years by both the press and the Royal Family) and the estimated 1 million people standing outside Westminster Abbey and along the route of the funeral procession. The entire country was at a standstill for that service. I’m interested how Michael’s final farewell is going to stack up.

Also, I hate songs with parenthesis in the title

2009-06-26T13:37:00.005-05:00

So here is a weird thing that happened yesterday. I had to stop by my dentist’s office to pick up a copy of an old bill (blah blah blah, medical reimbursement, whatever). Anyway, the business next door to the dentist is an establishment that seems to offer car window tinting and stereo installation. There were a bunch of dudes standing around a car out back. I guess they had just put a new system in it, and they were trying to test it out. And, the method they chose to employ to do said test was to blast “P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)” by Michael Jackson at maximum volume. Now, this seemed odd at the time – that’s really not one of your better MJ tracks (in my opinion), and it’s also one you don’t generally happen across that often (couldn’t tell you the last time I heard it) – but it seems even weirder in retrospect. This was around lunchtime yesterday, which is when the paramedics were just showing up to MJ’s house, so it’s not like the car dudes knew he had kicked and were offering up some sort of parking lot tribute. Although, I do like the concept of that. “Man, did you hear? Michael Jackson is dead!” “No way dude, let’s go blast P.Y.T in the parking lot!”

Go USA

2009-06-25T18:14:00.006-05:00

So, I finally got around to watching the US v. Spain game from yesterday’s Confederations Cup (I already knew the outcome, so I wasn’t in that much of a rush) Good game, even though now we have to play Brazil. Some thoughts:

1. How did Spain not score? They spent practically the whole game in the US’s penalty box.

2. That red card was nonsense. Bradley was totally going for the ball.

3. Landon Donovan performed one of the worst dives I have ever seen in my life. He brushed lightly past a Spain player with his shoulder, then randomly fell to the turf writhing like he had been kicked in the face or something. You are a bad actor, dude.

4. I used to totally hate Alexi Lalas, but I like him so much better since he shaved that thing off his face.

5. David-Villa was by far the prettiest thing on that field.

And, when I turned the DVR off, my TV was still on ESPN2 from the night before. They were showing something called Major League Lacrosse. Boston was playing Toronto. Since when do we have a professional lacrosse league?

huh?

2009-06-12T08:42:00.006-05:00

You know, I was thinking that I hadn’t posted anything on the blog in a while and I should probably come up with something to say, when this happened:

So I stop off to get a bagel on the way to work this morning (a little Friday treat after going to the gym @ 6am). And now I notice that my previous entry also took place at a bagel place. Odd. Anway, I’m standing in line minding my own business when a guy comes in and gets in line behind me. I turn around and am confronted by this:

Now, I apologize for the complete crappiness of the photo but I while I was trying to take the picture I was having a bit of a struggle for the following reasons:

I didn’t want the dude to see that I was taking a picture because, well…awkward.
I was walking past him on my way out and couldn’t really stop, you know, for reason #1 (and which is the cause of the extreme blurriness. The subject was still, but I was in motion)
I didn’t bring my bag with me when I ran into the bagel place, so I was trying to snap a photo with my iphone (which is often tricky under ideal conditions) while also trying to hold onto my wallet, my bagel, a side of cream cheese, a cup of diet coke, and my keys

So really, you’re lucky to have any photographic evidence at all.

Now, since you can’t see his head in the photo, I will say for visualization purposes that he looked quite a bit like Tim Conway in the “Mrs. Wiggens” sketches on the Carol Burnett Show (and while that is a truly weird point of comparison, it is totally the first image that came into my mind when I saw him. That must have been lurking somewhere in the back of my head for quite some time. I haven’t seen or thought about the Carol Burnett Show in years – although I used to watch the reruns all the time as a kid. But, I certainly don’t know how that particular sketch remained in my brain. Oh another digression: as soon as the sketch popped into my mind, I could totally hear Tim Conway saying “Mrs. Wiggins” with that weird pronunciation, which is much the same way Stewie says “cool hwhip” in that episode of Family Guy. )

Anyway, back to the bagel shop. So the notable thing about this dude was not his similarity in appearance to a 70’s-era variety show sketch character, but rather the t-shirt he was wearing. And while you can’t make out what it says in the photo, you may be able to tell that it is airbrushed which I think just adds and extra layer of weirdness on top of the already weird layer that is the shirt’s message, which was: Lesbian trapped in a man’s body.

Yeah...that's just odd. On top of the whole cognitive dissonance (i.e. the shirt might make more sense on a frat boy than a guy who looks like a middle-aged accountant) what is he even trying to say with that? Is he trying to pick-up lesbians? Is he expressing solidarity with the sisters? Is he pointing out that he, like lesbians, enjoys sex with women? Really, it was just too much for me to parse at 7:30 on a Friday morning.

An open thank you note to the new bagel guy at Bruggers this morning

2009-06-05T08:32:00.001-05:00

Dear New Bagel guy,

Words cannot express my joy at arriving at work this morning to discover that the bagel you presented me with had actually been cut into 2 pieces of equal thickness. It was a true pleasure to be able to place my bagel in the office toaster confident in the fact that I would not end up, as I have so many mornings, with one thick, chewy, practically untoasted half and one thin, toasted hard-as-a-hockey-puck half. Thank you so much for you diligence in performing correctly what is essentially the only task required of you. I only wish your crooked-bagel-cutting colleagues would follow your shining example. Keep up the good work. Love, Zil

An open letter to the Denver Nuggets

2009-06-03T08:12:00.004-05:00

Dear Nuggets,

Thanks for forcing me to have to root for the Magic. Because while I don’t really like them at all, the Lakers truly bug me. I’m tired of Phil Jackson and all his Zen master hoopla. And also, shut up, Kobe.

It’s not the Lakers’ fault, really. It’s the whole L.A. vibe that gripes me. All those celebrities in the stands…so annoying. Led by Jack Nicholson. Oh Jack Nicholson, how did I manage to leave you off my irrational hatred list. You are definitely a member. The way you wear sunglasses all the time. You are inside, Jack. I do not believe you have an eye condition that requires those. And the way you have become a parody of yourself. You no longer have to act in films, you just have to act like Jack Nicholson. (And that is a shame, because you are a fine actor and I do enjoy a number of your performances. In fact, it is not your film performances that bother me. I’m just sick of seeing your mug in the audience at awards shows, where the host then has to call attention to how cool you are.) Oh, and if you could date a woman near-ish to your own age for a change, that would be refreshing.

Oh, and back to you, Nuggets. Thanks also for causing me to have to think more about Jack Nicholson than I would normally like to in a day. Fortunately, I’m not planning on watching the games, so I won’t have to endure all the cuts to Jack sitting in the stands. In his damn sunglasses.

I tried to think of a clever acronym for this post, but it was too much work

2009-05-26T15:07:00.013-05:00

So I wandered off on a bit of a tangent at work today (just for a couple of minutes, I wasn’t squandering your tax dollars or anything). It started when I was trying to find some information about a bill someone mentioned in an email. The legislation was supposed to be about open textbooks and educational resources, which is related to a project I am working on. I found the bill (H.R. 1464, if you are interested). I also discovered that its official title is Learning Opportunities With Creation of Open Source Textbooks which acronym-philes will note spells out LOW COST. Clever.

This took me back to the day a while back when I stumbled across the fact that the Patriot Act is also an acronym (did you know that? I was shocked.) It's actually the USA PATRIOT Act (Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act) So, in additional to any other problems I have with the Patriot Act (and there are many), I am now also really annoyed that they bent over backwards to make the title spell out something cute.

So I then poked around a little more and discovered that this is a thing. Apparently, your bill sucks unless the title spells out a cute acronym related to the content. (Talk about squandering your tax dollars. Someone has to think these things up, people. Isn't this what supervillians do in comic books and spy novels? Come up with catchy acronyms for their organizations of evil? SPECTRE, anyone?) For example: Electricity Needs Rules and Oversight Now Act (ENRON Act), Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing (CAN-SPAM Act), Prevent Unfair Manipulation of Prices (PUMP Act), Curtailing Lobbyist Effectiveness through Advance Notification, Updates and Posting Act (CLEAN UP Act).

That last one is apparently from Sen. Barack Obama. Say it isn't so. No one is immune.

Except Barney Frank, God love him.

Hooray for proper grammar!

2009-05-22T07:32:00.006-05:00

Kudos to Publix for their grammatically correct express lane. "10 items or less" is just wrong. This is one of my biggest grammar pet peeves because it is one of the easiest to figure out. To wit: use fewer when it is a measureable (i.e. countable) amout. Think "less money, fewer dollars."

(Or if you prefer more detail, see what Grammar Girl has to say.)

Leonard Bernstein

2009-05-20T08:00:00.002-05:00

No point, other than to say, "how hot is Leonard Bernstein in these pics?"

(Click to enlarge the hotness)

No wonder REM gave him the big shout-out.

Found this in the Leonard Bernstein Collection at the Library of Congress American Memory, which is awesome. There's some cool stuff up in there.

Actually, all the American Memory Collections are worth a look. Old baseball cards, Lincolniana, the Florida Folklife Collection from the WPA, and this cool Aero-view of Tallahassee in 1926, among much, much more. Libraries are cool, kids!

word verification

2009-05-13T15:24:00.017-05:00

I seem to have gotten a lot of interesting verification words lately when I posted comments on blogs or ordered stuff online. I decided that they needed definitions:

The person who is the second runner-up in a game of eeny, meny, miny, moe. (variant spelling: meeineman)

"I wanted to be "it" in our game of hide-and-seek, so I was hoping to be moe. Unfortunately, I was just the menyman. We should have done one potato, two potato."

The variety of awe that occurs just below the level of regular awe. (i.e. when something is awesome, but not that awesome)

"That painting is beautiful. I'm awestruck"
"Eh, it's ok. It only fills me with subawe"

1. common plumbing problem

"What's the matter with the sink?"
"The drain has a clogin"

2. Type of folk dancing

"What are those people with the stompy, tappy shoes doing?"
"Clogin' "

Type of person who can convince people to do things. People who posses a wheedling, cajoling personality.

"Somehow Jake convinced me to drive him to the store today"
"Yeah, I lent him $20 to spend there. He's quite the slystor"

An open letter to my cats

2009-05-07T08:22:00.005-05:00

Dear Beta,

I give you plenty of food. So when Sid throws up, you really don't need to eat it. Thanks.

Give a hoot, don't pollute

2009-04-29T14:00:00.010-05:00

I went to return my library books the other day, and I spotted this bumper sticker (which I absolutely love) and it was a strange coincidence, because my co-worker and I had just been discussing littering. My office is at Innovation Park, which is basically a big circle. Lots of people, including me, go out and walk around the loop when we need a break from work. And there is always some kind of trash out there along the street. I notice this same phenomenon lots of places; I guess that’s why they have that adopt-a-highway program. And why you always see the prisoners in the stripe-y outfits and juvenile delinquents doing community service with a hefty bag and a trash-picking stick by the side of the road. But I have to wonder, who exactly are these people that just chuck their trash out of the car all willy-nilly?

It would never even occur to me to pitch my trash on the side of the road. I mean, maybe something biodegradable like an apple core or some peanut shells, but actual trash? Who does that? I’ve been known to pour out the dregs of a beverage by the side of the road, but I would never throw out the cup as well. I just don’t get this. Like if you are on a road trip and you have a bag of fast-food wrappers from a stop at the Taco Bell or whatever…can’t you just toss them into the back seat until you stop for gas? Do you really need them out of the car so badly that they have to leave the vehicle right that second? Garbage cans are ubiquitous. You can find tons of them at the gas station, the rest stop, the fast food restaurant, your home, your hotel, the tourist destination of your choice…just hold onto your trash until you get there, people.

And, while we are on the subject, don’t they still teach kids in school not to litter? I remember all kinds of anti-littering lessons delivered by Woodsy Owl. We even had to learn a song about him (which, surprisingly, I can find nowhere on the interwebs [to digress, I had this same problem when I tried to find a recording of the original version of Hey, Hey, Tampa Bay…the “The Bucs know how to shine” one from the ‘70’s, not the new one] sometimes the interwebs let you down. Especially on stuff like this from my childhood, when nobody had video cameras or VCRs.) I do remember that the song had the following lyrics “

"Give a hoot, don’t pollute.
Never be a dirty bird.
In the city or in the wood,
help keep America looking good”

If you ask me, that’s still a good lesson for today.

What is wrong with me?

2009-04-23T18:40:00.008-05:00

So I just got back from a run and the following things happened:

I successfully competed one circuit around the trail without incident (i.e.: falling down)
I started walking a second lap to cool down
While walking, I stumbled over a root. Didn't fall though...
Thought "ha ha, I will have to mention that on my blog, that I didn't trip while running, but almost fell while walking."
Decided that I should run a little more, since I wasn't completely exhausted and I'm trying to be able to run farther and/or faster.
Started running, went a little ways, tripped over a root and wiped out
Lay on the ground and laughed at own clumsiness/stupidity

I banged up the same leg as on Tuesday (and Wednesday, for that matter) Fortunately this time I missed the existing knee and ankle injuries and hit the lower part of my leg. Giant scrape along the outside of my shin.

Lest you be concerned that I have developed some horrible inner ear thing or vertigo that has rendered me unable to keep my self upright, I will point out that I actually tripped over stuff, I didn't just keel over. But, I have got to find a less root-y trail. Or pick my feet up more, I suppose...

So in 3 days that's a bruise on my knee, a puncture (from the bike chain thing) and a lump on my ankle, and now a scrape on my lower leg. And all on my left leg, I guess I must favor that side somehow. So bumps and bruises and lacerations and contusions. Man, I'm such a spaz.

2009-04-22T21:01:00.004-05:00

Successfully went for a run today without incident. Ordinarily this would not be news except for yesterday, I went for a bike ride and managed to bash my ankle on the spikey things that hold the bike chain (don't ask). And, the day before that, I went for a run and tripped over a root and banged my knee on the ground. Scrapes and bruises all around! Fitness is dangerous, y'all. Also, I am clumsy. Like, seriously.

An open letter to that dude driving the tricked out Dodge Charger by the stadium yesterday:

2009-04-16T10:48:00.002-05:00

Hey Dodge guy,

You are not a stunt driver and this is not a major Hollywood movie. So, there is really no need to drive like that.

Thanks.

Why do people do this?

2009-04-13T17:00:00.004-05:00

So you know what I don’t get? People who back into parking spaces. What is that about? Empirically, it is more difficult to drive a car backward than forward. It just is. You have to crane your neck around to look over your shoulder or use the rear view mirror and remember things are backward and you can’t see what’s happening down by your tires...it’s just a pain in the ass. Yet people do it all the time. Witness the photo taken this afternoon in my office parking lot:

At least here there is ample parking so you can back into spaces that don't have other cars right next to them, but people still do it even when all the spaces are occupied. It makes no sense. When you pull into a space, you are moving into a more constricted space surrounded by obstacles (i.e. the other cars) that you have to avoid. Why would you want to do that backwards? And backing into a parking space is different than backing out of one. When you back out, you are moving from the more constricted spot to a more open one…much easier to do backward.

I have less of an objection if the parking situation is like this:

...and you pull through from one side to the other. I do that myself on occasion (but note: only when the parking lot is really empty. There is nothing more annoying that getting ready to pull into a parking place the normal way and getting almost hit head-on by someone pulling through from the other side.)

People make the argument that they park this way because it is easier and quicker to get out of the space when it is time to leave. That is nonsense. The few seconds you save when exiting won't make up for the extra time, bother, and skill required to back in on arrival. And, unless you are robbing the joint, how fast do you really need to make a getaway?

irrational hatred/inexplicable affinity

2009-04-10T18:00:00.004-05:00

So The Masters is underway, and it's got me thinking about irrational hatred. Not of The Masters or of golf (I like both of those things) but of Tiger Woods. Man, I just can’t stand that dude, and I really have no idea why. Actually, I do know why, as I explained here. But really, my dislike of him is rather disproportionate to the actual impact he has on my life.

It goes both ways, not only are there people I dislike for completely random reasons, there's also a group of people that I find myself liking, even though I have no business doing so. I don’t mean like mass murderers or pedophiles or anything. It’s more like marginal actors that appear in questionable movies, or crappy pop singers, or dudes who seem kind of douchy, yet I still have a soft spot for them for some reason. Does anyone else have random celebrities you either like or hate for reasons passing your understanding?

It's also weird who makes it onto the list. I mean, there are plenty of celebrities I either like or dislike. The list is really for when I feel strongly about a person, and I either can't quite put my finger on why I feel that way, or as stated above, the intensity of the feeling is totally odd to be directed at someone I don't actually know, see, interact with, or have actual first-hand knowledge of.

There is no rhyme or reason to these classifications; they are applied in a completely subjective and capricious manner. Two people could do the exactly the same thing and depending on my completely arbitrary feelings about each person, I might see one as an irredeemable asshole while the other is merely a charming rapscallion. (See, for example, the recent behavior of one Christian Bale. He’s still totally my movie boyfriend. If Tom Cruise pulled that shit? Forget about it. And, while we are on the subject, have you seen the previews for Public Enemies? Bale and Johnny Depp all dressed up like 1930’s gangsters? Nothing wrong with that.)

Anyway, to this end I present you with irrational hatred/inexplicable affinity list for your enjoyment. In no particular order:

Irrational Hatred

Tiger Woods Again, my argument is here, so I will not elaborate further, except to say I was hoping his comeback from knee surgery would take a bit longer, so the golf world wouldn't be back to all Tiger all the time quite so soon.
Bobby Flay I don’t know what it is about him, but he bugs the crap out of me. While it could have something to do with the the whole “celebrity chef” phenomenon being in itself annoying…I don't think that's it. It’s him. Jamie Oliver is cute as a button. I enjoy Tom Collichio on Top Chef. I bear no similar ill will toward Alton Brown or Paula Deen or even Rachel Ray (who actually might be teetering on the brink, because she is becoming more annoying as her media empire expands. And, not to digress, but I don’t get her thing with saying E.V.O.O. I understand that it is shorter to say than “extra-virgin olive oil”, but if brevity is your goal, why not just say "evo" [like “eve-o”]? It’s 2 syllables shorter and rolls much more easily off the tongue. Yeah, she definitely may be edging into Bobby Flay territory…)
Jamie Foxx I think this stems from when the movie Ray came out and I think for a while he started to think that he actually was Ray Charles, which…no. Jaime Foxx is no Ray Charles. (Kanye West didn’t help things by using Foxx on Gold Digger while also sampling Charles' “I Got a Woman”.) I maintain that Ray Charles would never have an eponymous crappy WB sitcom Also, I have issues with actors who also need to have a “music” career (i.e. ScarJo, below) Plus, he's in that Soloist movie that is about to come out, so he's been all over the place lately. Let's hope he doesn't start to think he actually is a homeless schizophrenic street musician.
Scarlett Johansson I just don’t get the appeal. She’s like the Hollywood it girl and it just seems like she’s not that hot or that good an actress or even remotely interesting. And releasing an album of Tom Waits covers is just too pretentious for words.

Inexplicable Affinity

Ryan Reynolds See, here is a classic example of why the hatred/affinity is irrational/inexplicable. Ryan Reynolds is married to Scarlett Johansson. And before that he was engaged to Alanis Morisette, who I don’t really mind that much nowadays, but who was right up there on the irrational hatred list in her heyday. His movies are generally not good, and he could easily have that Dane Cook sort of aura about him (you know, like slacker hipster asshole). But he is charming and pretty and seems like a nice enough fellow. Horrible taste in women, though.
Pete Carroll I kind of hate USC. Again, for no real reason other than I think they are over-hyped and overpraised when they really don’t play very stiff competition out on the west coast. Plus, I hate the whole vibe of L.A. teams with all the celebrity “fans”. That being said, I think Pete Carroll is hot. I just can’t help it. I love a silver fox.
Rick Pitino Basketball coaches are creepy. I cite Pat Riley and Billy Donovan as examples of what I mean. Whenever I look at them I get a vibe that is combination of the stereotypes “douchy New York Italian guy” and “used car salesman”. The slicked back hair and the smarmy demeanor…ugh, it drives me crazy. And Rick Pitino should fit solidly in that mold. From New York? Check. Italian-American? Check. He coached and mentored Donovan…practically created him. And, he played ball in Massachusetts and coached the Celtics, which brings in another whole set of Boston based stereotypes (And I’m not saying these stereotypes are fair or true, but they exist. Think the Jimmy Fallon/Rachel Dratch characters on SNL) But, I like Pitino for some reason. Maybe he’s really just a Kentucky boy at heart.
Jason Statham He keeps on making those Transporter movies, and seemingly similar fare like Crank and Death Race. Dude likes driving fast (even in The Italian Job, he was mostly the driver). But, he got his start in Guy Ritchie’s movies, and he was really quite good in The Bank Job (a straight-up acting role with no fast driving or kung-fu fighting). And, he seems quite charming, in that London hard man sort of way, which I am a sucker for.
Jay Mohr He seems like one of those comedians that’s funny, but might also be kind of a dick. He seems like every frat boy you've ever known (again, I must cite Dane Cook as a model, who surprisingly is not on the list. Bordering on it, but I don’t really have that much occasion to think about him…) And, he is friends with Jim Rome, which does not speak well of Jay (and who is not on the list, because I feel that my hatred of him is totally justified. Also, that's another sports guy, and they are already overrepresented, which makes me seem like some kind of sports nut, which I am totally not) But, he is funny, and his Andrew McCarthy impression is priceless (and surprisingly unavailable on the Internet) as is his Walken.

I love my new sheets!

2009-04-09T18:58:00.005-05:00

Like, to a stupid degree. Here they are from afar:

Just looks like they have a random design or floral pattern, right? Oh no, let's take a closer look:

They're skulls. SKULLS!

Who exactly is designing these pants?

2009-04-06T08:59:00.008-05:00

So, I am not a short girl. I’m not like freakishly tall or anything, but I’m around 5’7’’-ish, which is a bit above average for a woman. (Ok, I looked it up and the average height for an adult female in the U.S. is 5 feet 3.8 inches. That is totally short, yo.) So what I want to know is: what is up with pants today?

I bought a pair of pants this weekend, and marked on the tag it clearly says “regular” (referring to the length, as opposed to “short” or “petite” for your more vertically challenged individuals, or “long” for those who actually are freakishly tall) Regular would seem to indicate “for those of average height”, right? So why are these pants like 4 inches too long? I had the same problem with a pair of Levis I bought a while back. If I wore them without shoes, the cuffs reached down past my heels so I was walking around with half my foot covered in denim. Are women’s pants designed for giants? I realize it’s better to err on the side of too long. Pants that are too long can be hemmed, but it’s a bit impractical to try to make them longer after the fact. But, isn't that what the “long” version is for? I think they are trying to fit too many people into the “regular” category. I mean, if the "regular" length will work for someone who is 6' tall, then who exactly is buying the "long" version? Is there a previously unknown race of Amazons in need of pants?

Anyway, I’m wearing the new pants today with heels, and they are about right (and I realize that choice of shoe can impact pant length, which is a whole other pain in the ass), so I think I can get away without hemming them (as long as I never want to wear these pants with flats.) Girl clothes are complicated.

Consumer Crush

2009-04-03T15:00:00.001-05:00

I love these pretzles. Here's the problem...they are so hard to find. Originally, I discovered them at the Killearn Publix, but I haven't seen them there since. They have them at the Fresh Market, but they are often sold out. Last week, I encountered them at the Publix on Capital Circle NE (the one by the Lowes @ Centerville Rd). There were 3 bags left on the shelf and I bought all 3. This was mostly because I figured I should stock up while the getting was good...it's not like they wouldn't keep. I must admit though, that it was also due to the fact that I when I put 2 of the bags in my cart, I felt bad that the other bag was left all alone on the shelf. I have anthropomorphization issues. I'm a sucker for the pathetic fallacy...

Zihuatanejo

2009-04-02T13:00:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong that when I heard this story last week, my first thought was, "I hope Andy and Red are OK"?

Do these men look likely to poke each other in the eye?

2009-03-31T09:13:00.015-05:00

I know this has been widely reported lately, but I really can’t make up my mind how I feel about Sean Penn, Benicio del Toro, and Jim Carrey as the new Three Stooges.

Several reasons:

1. I'm really not a fan of the Stooges (the Three Stooges that is, the regular Stooges, they rock). I’ve been told that this is because I am a

woman, and there might

be some validity in that. The Three Stooges really does seem to be a guy thing. (Although, this woman would strongly disagree)

2. I also have issues with the Farrelly Brothers. Occasionally, one of their films will have moments that are funny to me, but the bulk of it is really not amusing. But, I do see the beauty of these guys directing this movie. Their slapstick and gross-out humor isn’t my thing, but it fits right into the Stooges mold.

3. I’m interested in what they are going to do about a script. Three guys slapping each other upside the head for 2 hours (even if 2 of the guys have Oscars) does not a movie make.

4. I'm concerned about the hairstyles. Carrey just has to shave it, which I'm sure he can pull off, but I'm not sure about del Toro making with the curly on the sides/receding in the front look or Penn rocking the bowl cut.

2009-03-27T13:57:00.005-05:00

So yesterday I went for a run out at Lake Overstreet, and when I was done I went to stretch a little bit over by the Forrest Meadows playground . Usually, there are at least a few kids there with their attendant parents, but yesterday the place was deserted. Which gave me the opportunity to play on the swings. I love swings. I will never be to old play on the swings. The swings were always my favorite piece of playground equipment as a kid (actually, I was really fond of the merry-go-round as well). Swinging is like flying, like a mini rollercoaster ride. I still had my iPod on from runnng, so I listened to The Clash and pumped my legs to go as high as possible, and that, my friends, is an evening well spent.

What sort of witchcraft is this?

2009-03-25T09:16:00.007-05:00

So, I see this car every so often, always on Tharpe St. when I'm on my way home from work, and every time I see it, it makes my head explode a little. I finally managed to get a photo of it. For your consideration:

It's a little hard to see in the photo, so here is the gist of all those bumper stickers on the bottom:

Goddess Bless America
I'm pagan and I vote
Freedom of religion means any religion
Yes, I'm a witch. Deal with it
(pentagram) Clergy
(pentagram) No, that's not a star of David

So...I'm guessing you're a witch? Which is all well and good. More power to you, I say. My issue lies not in the stickers on the bumper, but the one on the right side of the trunk:

A "W" sticker? Really? Because of all the religious tolerence? I'm so confused. (Also, is that a Fraternal Order of Police sticker above it? It's faded, so it's hard to tell. Unrelated, but interesting). I know the Republican party claims to have a big tent and all that, but I still don't get this. The cognitive dissonance hurts my head.

Say it isn't so...

2009-03-24T14:35:00.006-05:00

So apparently the Marlins are getting a new stadium, and when they move, the team name will be changed from the Florida Marlins to the Miami Marlins? Yeah, that's stupid.

I'm usually not a fan of state names for teams (as opposed to the usual city names). It's usually a lame effort to make people who don't live in city big enough to support a team feel like they are included. ("No, really, the team is for the whole state. Just because Tallahassee is like 8 hours from Miami, that doesn't mean this isn't your team. Yay Florida!").

It's even further out of control in the Carolinas, where the team's location is even more vague. Last time I checked, North and South Carolina were actually 2 separate states, not one big Carolina. (For the record, the "Carolina" teams are in NC...Charlotte for the Panthers, Raleigh for the Hurricanes. Sorry about that, SC.) Even my very own Buccaneers are from Tampa Bay...wouldn't want St. Pete to feel left out. And don't get me started on the Golden State Warriors. That's the worst. That's a state motto, not an actual place. We don't have any Sunshine State teams. Although, I now want New Hampshire to get some sort of team and name them the "Live Free or Die" Bears, or something. That would be cool.

In this day and age, location has little to do with fan base. With ESPN and the Internet and 24 hour sports programing, it's not like people necessarily root for their home town/state team anyway. You can pretty much easily follow any team you want, so people are are just as likely to choose a rooting interest based on a player they like or the team their dad rooted for or a club with a lot of players who went to their college or a million other reasons apart from proximity.

But, I digress. My point was Miami Marlins just sounds wrong. And Miami is dumb. So, while I would normally be all for the downsizing of the geographic nomenclature, in this instance I vote nay.

An open letter to traffic:

2009-03-20T08:46:00.004-05:00

Dear Tallahasse commuters,

Why do you drive like that? Speeding and constantly switching lanes in an effort to get ahead, only to end up stopped at the same red light as me 30 seconds later. It makes you seem like kind of an asshole.

In fact, I bet you are an asshole.

Be polite and learn to drive better, asshole.

An open letter to March Madness

2009-03-18T21:18:00.005-05:00

Dear Sporting Community,

Please stop using the word "bracketology"

It's stupid.

Thanks so much.

Make sure the instructions cover all contingencies...

2009-03-11T18:22:00.009-05:00

So, have you seen these little stroller/chairs-to-push-your-kids-around-in things they have at the Tallahassee Mall?

Did you happen to notice the fine print?

Sound advice.

Yet more euphemisms...

2009-03-06T13:23:00.012-05:00

So once again the spam seems to have found a way around our email filters at work. So, I share with you the subject lines for the fine penis related items I received offers for today:

Lacking some confidence? Maybe you should take a look inside of your pants?
Show off your manhood to your lady
Your stamina and power won't stop amazing women.
Be the most respected and wanted man out there.
Women are put off by the sight of a dwarf hook.
You can't party when your instrument is dead.

And my personal favorite:

It's all in your hands what's inside your pants.

For the past collections, click here, or here.

Is your cold fun? No, it's snot.

2009-03-03T18:09:00.010-05:00

So I have been sick with this totally annoying cold for going on 2 weeks now, and all I can think is this: at what point is my head going to stop manufacturing snot? I mean, for real...is snot just a limitless commodity? Is there an infinite amount available? Because I have been blowing my nose non-stop, and it just keeps on coming. I feel like my whole head is filled to the brim, my ears are clogged, I've got the post-nasal drip...enough already. I have tried every variety of cold medicine and no joy. I broke down and went to the dr. yesterday, and apparently it's just a cold. Something viral, so no help from the antibiotics. I do feel marginally better today. One of my ears finally popped, so I don't feel like a little old lady who goes around saying "eh?" constantly and who has one of those comically giant horn things she holds up to her ear for people to speak into. So, I guess that's a step in the right direction...

Oh also, those tissues with the lotion in them are the greatest invention ever.

I will leave you with these fine photos I took to amuse myself while waiting for the dr. yesterday:

The scary needle disposal unit:

Still life with blood pressure thing, instrument tray, and that light they use to look at your lady bits:

Does this sign really bother anyone else?

2009-02-17T15:28:00.017-05:00

Because I drive by it nearly every damn day, and every time I think “who came up with that?” (as always, you can click on the pic to see a larger version)

The name of the street in question, not that you could tell from the sign (which is, in fact, my main problem with said sign), is Live Oak Plantation Road. Now, I’m all for abbreviations. Brevity is the soul of wit and all that (o.k., that saying is not actually about abbreviations, but you get my meaning). However, in this case I take issue because... well, just because you want a word to be shorter doesn’t mean you can just make-up the abbreviation out of thin air.

Abbreviations have to have some sort of accepted convention or textual clue that gives the people reading the abbreviation an inkling as to what the original word was. It works fine for things that are commonly shortened, the abbreviations we encounter everyday: road = Rd., meeting = mtg., President = Pres., birthday=Bday. (Although, common abbreviations can be problematic as well. Take the widely used St. That’s street, right? Or Saint? What about All Saints Street in Tallahassee? That would be All St. St.? Or the adjacent Saint Francis Street, which would be St. Francis St.) Again, textual clues help us out. The St. at the end is generally going to be street (especially if it’s on a street sign). Likewise, you would assume St. Michael was Michael the saint, not Michael the hoodlum (although Street Michael would be an excellent name for a young delinquent al la Ponyboy).

Anyway, my point is - I can’t just decide to randomly abbreviate something. Ok, I take that back, I can and often do do that. But, what I can’t do is expect you to know what I’m talking about if I use a self-made abbreviation. Say I decide that “paperwork” is too long and time consuming for my purposes and that I shall now just refer to it as “pw”. That’s fine. But if I then leave a note saying, “Hey, Jack, make sure you complete your pw. before you leave,” I’m not really sure that Jack will know of the correct course of action right off the bat. Maybe he does his paperwork. Maybe he takes a power walk. Perhaps he plows a field. Again, if he’s in an office and the note is on his inbox, he might be ok. Otherwise, it’s a bit of a crap shoot.

So, back to the sign. Plantation = PLT, huh? Not really. I mean first off, there isn’t really that much need in everyday life to talk about plantations, much less to abbreviate the word. Even here in the Deep South, they just don’t really come up that often. And context is not helpful here, as the sign is not on a plantation. Also, I argue that anyone who didn't already know the name of this street would glance at the sign and assume it meant Place or Plaza or some other more commonly roadway-related term. The mind does not instinctively go to “plantation.”

And yes, I understand that the reason for the abbreviation in the first place, indeed the raison d'être of all abbreviations, is space constraints. And Plantation is a long-ish word for a street sign. But, made up abbreviations are not the way forward. Might I suggest a smaller font? Larger sign? Second line of text? Really...anything other than this PLT. I just want some clarity on my signage. Is that too much to ask?

Birthday Boys

2009-02-12T11:07:00.014-05:00

Ok, so how did I not know until today thatAbraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin were born on the same day (February 12, 1809)? It seems like Darwin should be older than Lincoln for some reason (maybe because he lived longer?)

Anyway, that makes today the 200th anniversary of both of their births. That’s quite an impressive day in history. FYI, some less historically significant others born on Feb. 12 include Omar Bradley, Lorne Greene, Judy Blume, Arlen Specter,Joe Don Baker, Ray Manzarek, Micheal McDonald, Bill Russell, Arsenio Hall, Josh Brolin, Darren Aronofsky, Ed Lover, Christina Ricci, and Fonzworth Bentley (yes, Diddy's manservant or whatever). Quite a diverse assortment there.
People who died on this day include: Charles Schultz, Tom Landry, and Screamin’ Jay Hawkins (the album title “Black Music for White People is still one of my favorites)]

I included both of the boys beardless in the photos, just to go against the norm. Also, I’ve always loved beardless Lincoln (check him out there, with his hipster hair), and you almost never see him that way, even though he only had the beard when he was president, basically for the last 5 years of his life. (A fact I discovered while looking for the pic. I also stumbled on this charming story of why he grew a beard. Apparently, it's all about the ladies. Ladies love beards and will therefore get their husbands to elect you president...or something.)

Anyway, Happy Birthday boys. Go out and celebrate the Union and Evolution in their honor.

Style guide for comics

2009-02-11T12:00:00.010-05:00

I randomly stumbled upon this article while following a link from someone on Twitter.

I weirdly enjoy reading things like Strunk and White and Garner's, so this was right up my alley. And timely, since comics have been cropping up in my life lately (from EDP's blog, among other places).

Plus, I got to make a graphic to go with this blog entry, so...fun all around!

Hi there!

2009-02-06T16:31:00.006-05:00

I was cleaning up around the house today and I found this item that I forgot about. I got it at the Inauguration (obviously) but I thought it was a really cool idea. Also, it really made me want to greet everyone with "hello, fellow American" In fact, I may just start doing it again now. You know, people at work, in the bank, at the gym. That would be entertaining.

(as always click to embiggen)

Band names from life...

2009-02-04T22:10:00.000-05:00

Potential Band Name: Druffie

Origin: The verification word I was given when positing a comment to EDP's blog. I like it. Although, you would run the risk of getting confused with Duffy, which would suck, because something about her frightens and disturbs me. I just can't put my finger on it, but something is not right there...

Second choice from a similar source: bilymp

(See, it's like blimp, but with a more annoying hipster/hiphop/indie rock spelling. You know, for kids!)

Another excellent euphemism...

2009-02-04T13:39:00.001-05:00

...arrived in my inbox. I will have to add it to my collection:

"You must have this. Your rocket will fly higher. Replace your pant snake with python!"

A rose by any other name...

2009-02-03T16:22:00.003-05:00

So I just heard on the news this morning that we are using a new type of drone to drop bombs on suspected al-Qaida and Taliban targets in Pakistan. The old one was called the Predator. This one is called the Reaper and the missiles it carries are called Hellfire missiles. Have we decided that our new technique to fight terrorists is to frighten them with our alarmingly named hardware?

An open letter to Pottery Barn

2009-02-01T20:41:00.003-05:00

Dear Pottery Barn,

I'm really enjoying that item I purchased from you, like three years ago. However, I really don't need to continue to receive approximately 35 catalogs a year from you. If I need to make a purchase from Pottery Barn, Pottery Barn Kids, Pottery Barn Bed & Bath, or PB Teen, I assure you that you will be the first to know.

Until then, please stop slaughtering a pine forest every 3 months just to ensure that I will have these never ending opportunities to purchase over-priced, mass-produced goods.

Thanks ever so much, Zil

P.S. Did Seinfeld teach you nothing?

New and improved Orphans...

2009-01-29T10:34:00.001-05:00

...now with music!

The Inaugural Orphans

2009-01-27T09:45:00.008-05:00

Here a little photo project from the Inauguration trip.

I give you, "The Inaugural Orphans"

A study in what happens when 1 million+ people don't keep up with their outerwear.

Enjoy the slideshow!

Obamarama

2009-01-24T20:13:00.028-05:00

So, I made it back from the Inauguration in one piece and finally have some time to report on the festivities. It was AWESOME. I mean, really, everything was great, everyone was so nice, I couldn't have asked for more. I'll steal from EDP and go the random reflection route (you can click on the photos to enlarge):

The button at the top is my second favorite of the many buttons I acquired (he just looks so handsome and happy on that one). We got into a bit of a souvenir frenzy there for a moment, but we didn't get too out of hand. My favorite button was this one, made by Lady Byron and BSH. Everyone in our party got one.
I went to the concert on Sunday night. It was really fun, but some of the celebrity stuff was odd, like were kept wondering...did Jack Black, Ashley Judd, and Tiger Woods really have much to add to the proceedings? Also, they replayed the concert on the jumbotrons over and over throughout the weekend, so I became well acquainted with the program. Invariably, whenever we stepped out onto the Mall, we heard either that screechy "You'll Never Walk Alone" (I mean, I'm sure Renee Fleming is awesome and all, I just can't stand operatic sopranos), or freaking Garth Brooks doing "Shout". Of course, we also heard the U2 part a lot, which was extra amusing because BSH, the 5 year-old-child in our party, who resides in England, totally recognized them every time they came on. Also, when we heard Beyonce was performing, I couldn't help picturing her coming out and doing "Single Ladies" complete with the leotard, back-up dancers, and robot hand. And of course, I then had that song stuck in my head for quite some time. It didn't help that JRob kept periodically sneaking up behind me and singing it at me.
Man, was it ever cold. I've heard 8 degrees with the wind chill. The actual temperature never got out of the 20's. This Florida girl had to bundle her ass up!
Everyone was so nice. I mean, like to a ridiculous degree. Even when we were in crushing crowds, no one lost their cool, or even really complained. Like when we had to climb over something (which was actually surprisingly often) there was always a person waiting to take your hand and help you down. Not like an official person, just a random good Samaritan. When I heard that there had been no arrests it was like "of course not, everyone was so well behaved." Another example happened on the shuttle from the metro stop to the hotel (we were staying out in Bethesda). It was this little mini bus that had seating for like 17 or so, and there were way more of us than that waiting in the cold to get on. We all piled in, but the driver said it was against hotel regulations for people to stand in the aisle (even though the bus had hand rails for that purpose.) The people in the aisle were going to get off, but everyone was like, "nope, if everyone has to be seated, then we will all sit." People put their children on their laps, squished 2 and 3 people into seats for 1 or 2, and everyone made it on board. One woman even yelled out "yes we can" which awesome
I think my face has finally stopped peeling from the ridiculous windburn I got from the Arctic winds sweeping down the Mall.
With all the celebrities in town, who do I cross paths with? Pat Buchanan and Bush #1. Come on. I couldn't have seen Bono or Samuel L. Jackson, or really anyone even remotely cool? Here's Pat, if you are interested: (He's the tiny dude in sunglasses. You can click on the photo to enlarge, if you really need to see him. I didn't want to get too close, some of the hatred and vitriol might have gotten on me...)
On Monday, we went the the Museum of American History (which I had actually just been to last month) In the main rotunda (where the Foucault Pendulum used to be, alas...that was one of my very favorite things in DC) they have little informal programs throughout the day with people dressed in historical costumes giving little talks and demonstrations. We happened in right at the start of one featuring a young man dressed as MLK. He talked about events from King's life and read parts of his speeches (and this kid was good, obviously a trained actor, and he had his King down) which were interspersed with recordings from the actual speeches. Then, at the end, he had everyone join hands and sing "We Shall Overcome". While it probably was exactly as hokey as it sounds, I have to say that on MLK day, on the day before the inauguration of the first African-American President, and just a few yards away from the Star-Spangled Banner (the actual giant flag that was flying over Fort McHenry and that the National Anthem was written about) is was moving as hell.
After all the scaremongering about the port-a-potties, I never even had to use one (God bless my hearty constitution and carefully controlled liquid intake.) Even if I had, there were plenty (here you can see some artfully arranged with the White House in the background) and I saw no lines or people peeing in random places.
While the Byrons, JRob, and I all made it down to the Mall together and staked out our spot to watch the festivities, we managed to get separated. JRob and I wanted to walk down the Mall to check out stuff up closer the the Capitol. We did, (we got up about to the Air and Space Museum before we couldn't move any more) but then we separated. She wanted to wait in line to get into The Castle, so I said I would meet her back at Byron base camp. But, I soon discovered that I couldn't get back to base camp. 14th street, which I had crossed earlier, was now closed off and monitored by Army dudes. I wandered and wandered and got swept up in crowds and jumped a barricade and finally got back to the general area (we were down by the Washington Monument) before I had to give up. The festivities were about to begin so I found a spot near a jumbotron and settled in. Strangely enough, all 5 of us magically ended up at the Farragut North Metro Station as exactly the same time for the trip back to the hotel.
My book for the trip was American Wife, which was a bit surreal considering the occasion. The main character is a Laura Bush like figure and some of the things that happen are based on the real events in her life. (By the way, the book is awesome...highly recommended.) I only happened to be reading it on the trip because I had requested from the library ages ago and I finally made it to the top of the list. A fortuitous turn of events, because it was the perfect book for the trip...sort of topical and totally engrossing (which is what I look for in an airplane book, it keeps me from having to chat with my seatmates)
I discovered that it's almost impossible to take a photo of a crown when you are in the crowd. Here is my best attempt:
But, I think it might be a task better left to the professionals:

Mealtime

2009-01-17T10:15:00.002-05:00

I really like how here in the airport, all bets are off when it comes to food. It's currently 9 am, and while some establishments are serving breakfast, most seem to have adopted an attitude that is more along the lines of "you people don't know what time zone you're in anyway, you'll eat what we have and be happy for it." So, while there is a slightly longer line at au bon pain, there is also a lot of action at Dominos, the Chinese restaurant, and the hot dog place. I say, good for you. I've never understood how eggs and pancakes got classified as for breakfast but not dinner. And who says waffles and bacon is a better breakfast than say, a turkey sandwich? Down with phoney food classifications!

Sent from my iPhone

Island Life

2009-01-15T18:11:00.011-05:00

Ok, the news about Ricardo Montelban's passing made me think about Fantasy Island, which made me remember this thing that has since been making me think I’m crazy, so I thought I would see if anyone can assuage my fears.

I totally remember an episode of Fantasy Island with the following plot: This woman comes to the island, and I don’t quite recall what her fantasy was, but I think it was something to the effect of wanting to find some man who had swept off her feet or something. So she goes out with this guy, and they have a lovely dinner and hit it off and such and sleep together, I think (on the first date...shocking, Fantasy Island!) The next day, she wakes up and she’s not in the dude's bedroom, but in what turns out to be some sort of nicely appointed house/prison with all these other women. Turns out, after the dude sleeps with a lady, he then locks her away in his basement and forces her to be a hooker. I know! There is like this stern Madame-type woman running the place (who I think was his original conquest/captive/hooker) who like, beats the Fantasy Island woman with a metal rod when she tries to escape. Eventually, I think the Fantasy Island woman rallies all the hookers together to escape captivity. (note: after some poking around on the interwebs, I think this episode does exist. Hooray, not crazy!)

So, how fucked up is that? Also, bear in mind that I was watching this as a child. Like, a young child. I loved the Love Boat/Fantasy Island Saturday night combo, although in retrospect, I’m not sure how age appropriate it was. Love Boat was fine, that show was mostly hijinx and goofiness mixed with vague sexual innuendo and dinners at the Captain’s table. And Isaac, your bartender. Fantasy Island, on the other hand, was often quite dark. Mr. Roarke was kind of sinister. He had weird magical powers, and he granted people their wishes, but was always telling them to be careful what they wish for and warning them that they have to accept the consequences of their actions. Plus, all kinds of crazy shit was always going down on that island, like time travel and people turning into other people and people living alternate versions of their lives or randomly hanging out with historical figures.

Seriously, what was up with that show? I also remember an episode where the devil comes and tries to steal Mr. Roarke’s soul, and another one where he has to save this possessed girl from the devil. That's a lot of devil for prime time TV. And half the time the people almost died during their fantasies (and some actually did die). I guess it’s like that old ghost story or cautionary tale or whatever The Monkey’s Paw, where people wish for something they want but they get like the worse most fucked up version of it (If you're not familiar, Read it here)

Actually. Now that I think about it, maybe Fantasy Island and the island from Lost are the same place. That would explain a lot. Either that, or islands are just a common setting for weird stuff.

Thanks!

2009-01-13T19:35:00.002-05:00

Here's another goofy arts & crafts project. Homemade thank you notes. Enjoy!

Unearthed treasure Part 2

2009-01-12T19:10:00.003-05:00

So, here is another absolute gem excavated from the remains of m childhood. This would of course be promoting the short lived Dukes of Hazzard spin-off Enos. I acquired this at some sort of Burt Reynolds celebrity football game at FSU (didn't know Enos played ball at FSU did you? He's also from and currently lives in Valdosta, FYI)

I especially like that it is signed "Love, Enos". Like the character is signing autographs, not the actor. I also like how happy he looks...

It's funny becase it's true...

2009-01-12T15:48:00.006-05:00

Apparenly Sacha Baron Cohen is got booed for this comment at the Golden Globes (made when joking about the current global economic crisis):

"Madonna has had to get rid of one of her personal assistants. Our heart goes out to you, Guy Ritchie."

Come on, people. That is FUNNY!

7 unrelated things

2009-01-10T09:12:00.010-05:00

It's unfortunate for Leon Panetta that the people making the argument that he is not a good choice to head the CIA have chosen to repeatedly use the phrase "he has no background in intelligence" That just makes it sound like they are calling him a moron.
I really don't care for that Tim Tebow. Ironically, this article, about what a super awesome guy he is,makes me like him even less.
I admit that I don't really have any rational basis for my hatred of Anne Hathaway. Although, I could make an argument for this as reason enough. It really does look like a horrible, horrible movie. Women everywhere should cringe over this bridezilla stereotype bullshit.
This NPR story really did make me wonder where all the money went?
Man, Kiefer Sutherland has a good voice. Did you know he has a twin sister? And that his grandfather was the Premier of Saskatchewan?
Jeffery Dean Morgan, who I love but whose dead-yet-somehow-still-having-sex-with-his-alive-girlfriend character on Grey's Anatomy is currently making me crazy, also played a dead guy on Weeds and Supernatural. And not like a normal character who was killed on the show and then went away. No, these were characters that were either already dead when the show began or who were killed on the show and yet still hung around as ghosts or souls escaped from hell or something equally weird. What's that all about?
Didn't we used to have winter around here?

How did I not know this about carrots?

2009-01-08T19:00:00.011-05:00

That that used to be purple? Who knew?

To quote:

In Roman times carrots were purple or white. By the 10th century purple carrots were grown in Afghanistan, Pakistan and northern Iran. Purple, white and yellow carrots were imported to southern Europe in the 14th century. Black, red and white carrots were also grown.

Orange roots, containing the pigment carotene, were not noted until the 16th century in Holland. This only came about thanks to patriotic Dutch growers who bred the vegetable to grow in the colours of the House of Orange. Experts believe Dutch breeders used a yellow mutant seed from North Africa to develop the orange variety and then stuck to it through breeding.

Having been in Amsterdam during both the World and European Cups, I can tell you that the Dutch love them some orange, I just didn't know it extended to the selective breeding of vegetables.

You know, I'm not a huge fan of carrots, but these look awesome:

Unearthed treasure Part 1

2009-01-06T19:19:00.010-05:00

So over my holiday break, I spent some time tidying and organizing and going through some boxes that my parents had purged from their house and sent over to mine (yes, I haven't lived there for the better part of 2 decades, yet somehow all my stuff is still not out of their house. That's what comes from having parents living in the same house for almost 40 years. If they don't have to pack up and move, they don't often come across your boxes of old, unneeded stuff lurking in the attic or wherever).

There is not really any way to dispute the fact that I am a pack rat. I hold onto a lot of useless junk longer than I should. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm one of those scary hoarders whose houses are filled to the brim with old newspapers and magazines and half-full shampoo bottles and stuff. And then they drop dead one day, and people come over to clean up the house and it's all so shocking that the local news crews and like, 20/20 and Dateline and Oprah get called in to do a story on it. I just tend to look and stuff and think "I might need that someday" or "Hey, I have no use for that, but it's kind of cool" So, I put it in a box, and there it remains until some point in the future, when I get around to cleaning up again and re-discover the box, where the process is repeated or said item actually gets chucked.

Anyway, during my rummaging this time, I came across some absolute gems that needed to be shared. I was torn on which to post first, but I decided on this one:

(Click on image to enlarge)

So, what we have here appears to be Venn diagram from my high school Algebra course, in which we explore and chart common themes and topics in country songs. The relevant formulas seem to contemplate if the subject of the song is a either A). a trucker, B). in love, or C). in prison, along with the various permutations and combinations of those 3 states of being.

That is some good math, right there. It's weird I didn't do better in the class.

Marathon woman

2008-12-31T16:05:00.009-05:00

So, I've been on vacation all this week (vacation meaning "not having to go to work" as opposed to "going somewhere interesting". More of a staycation, if you will) and I've mostly been hanging around doing all the house projects I never feel like doing during the working week (or on the weekend, when I am recovering from/preparing for the working week.) And, while doing that, I've been watching marathons of things on TV.

This is the season of TV marathons. I think it comes from a combination of the general holiday hiatus for TV shows, TV programmers being on vacation, and a belief that no one much is watching TV anyway at this time of year. Except vacationers like me, of course.

It started by accident on Monday, when I stumbled across the Band of Brothers marathon on The History Channel. I had seen all the episodes the first time around on HBO, but it had been awhile. Also, I had forgotten about the nearly lethal hotness factor resulting from the combination of Damian Lewis and Ron Livingston. All best friends and heroic and world weary...man, that was some good casting (give it up for Hanks and Spielberg, y'all). You throw in all those other good looking fellows (especially that scary bad ass Speirs, who is ironically now the mild mannered dad on Gossip Girl), slap 'em in some WWII unis, and have them alternately blow shit up, act unbelievably heroic, liberate concentration camps, and struggle with the horrors of war...that's a well spent afternoon of TV viewing. Couple that with the fact that it's a true account of Easy Company's war experience and each episode starts with comments from the actual surviving soldiers, it's really quite moving. (Seriously, if you haven't seen it, I recommend a DVD rental, stat.)

USA network saw me thorough the next 2 days with marathons of Psych and Burn Notice. Love that Jeffery Donovan...glad he found a successful vehicle. He makes a great burned spy and Bruce Campbell is a fine sidekick (nice to see him playing sombody other than Ash). They certainly made the dusting and cleaning the refrigerator a lot more enjoyable.

There doesn't seem to be a marathon of any type on today. I might just have to rustle up a DIY version with some Arrested Development DVDs...

Cow vs. Chicken

2008-12-30T18:22:00.009-05:00

Does anyone else find those Chick-fil-a ads with the cows disturbing? I know, they've been around forever, but lately they have been particularly bugging me for some reason. I understand that food has to come from somewhere, and yes, I am a carnivore, but there is something unseemly about the cows throwing the chickens under the bus. I realize that nature is all about the survival of the fittest, but that just seems cold.

I'm not one of those people who thinks meat comes magically from the grocery store, but neither am I a farm girl capable of going out and slaughtering the animals I eat myself. Particularly if I had been feeding and caring for them since birth. Were I forced to hunt to survive, I guess could probably do it, especially if it got down to a them-or-me situation. But, the situation would have to be quite dire before I could bring myself kill something. I think it comes down to this habit I have of anthropomorphizing things. Not just animals, anything really. Toys, stuffed animals, office supplies...I tend to ascribe personality traits to things. Unfortunately, this makes them damn near impossible to throw away. Something is wrong with me.

And back to the cows for a moment. If you believe the conceit that cows can write signs about eating chicken, why wouldn't they also be able to spell correctly? Are these elementary school cows that haven't mastered spelling yet? Are they just learning English and this is similar to how I sound when attempting to speak Spanish? Are cows innately stupid? Maybe so...yet, they did learn how to write...

I don't get it, Chick-fil-a. Of course, just look at the spelling of your establishment's name. Actually, maybe I've discovered the problem right there...

While driving in the car this afternoon...

2008-12-22T21:55:00.002-05:00

...I was listening to All Things Considered. A story ended, and as usual, a piece of interstitial music came on between stories. It was a classical sounding violin thing, some sort of string quartet, and I was only vaguely paying attention to it. Then it started to sound familiar. That's when I realized it was Where is My Mind by the Pixies. Nice work, NPR.

'Tis the season

2008-12-17T18:47:00.009-05:00

Dear radio stations and others who play Christmas music,

The Peanuts’ Theme Song (the proper title is Linus & Lucy, I believe) is not actually a Christmas song. Yes, it can be heard in A Charlie Brown Christmas, but it also appears in many other of the animated Peanuts specials. (Great Pumpkin, Easter Beagle, It’s Arbor Day, Charlie Brown. It's in most of them. Although, it is not in that weirdly depressing one where Snoopy goes back to his roots a encounters all the “No Dogs Allowed” signs)

Just because a song is makes an appearance in a Christmas special, that does not automatically make it a Christmas song. If you have a certain fondness for A Charlie Brown Christmas, feel free to sample from the other actual Christmas songs it contains to meet your holiday needs. Christmas Time is Here? Sure thing. That jazzy version of Oh, Tannebaum? Have at it. The whole Peanuts gang singing Hark the Herald Angels Sing? Knock yourself out. Linus & Lucy? Not so much.

While we're dancing around the subject, the same goes for My Favorite Things. Not only is this not a Christmas song, The Sound of Music is not a Christmas movie. Even Wikipedia agrees with me:

"The wintertime imagery of some of the lyrics has made My Favorite Things a popular song during the Christmas season, and it often appears on holiday-themed albums and compilations, although in the show and movie it is sung during a summer thunderstorm."

So, do us all a favor, just stick to the standards. A little Rudolph. A little Silent Night. Throw in a few of those new-fangled modern Christmas songs if you must (except for that Christmas Shoes one, that song should not be played under any circumstances), but let’s try to keep it in the actual holiday area.

Happy Holidays, Zil

P.S. While entertaining, this is not a Christmas song either, no matter how much dancing Snoopy you add. See how it works?

I feel this man's pain....

2008-12-14T18:02:00.003-05:00

While I often find myself wanting to fling my shoes at Bush, this man actually did it.

Why the English language is awesome!

2008-12-12T11:18:00.005-05:00

Bill O'Reilly has a memoir out called A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity, which some genius has determined is an anagram for "Shameful, Bona-Fide Hypocrite." Perfect.

Back from DC...

2008-12-10T19:04:00.005-05:00

...and a good time was had by all. And by all, I mean me. Well, and possibly my friend Rakes, who I was visiting. He should have had a good time...I'm delightful!

We checked out the newly reopened National Museum of American History and we went to the National Zoo at night, which was lovely and all decorated with lights for Christmas (and very cold!) I was most excited to see that my old friend Uncle Beasley was kicking it at the zoo. I still remember him from his old home on the Mall.

Anyway, I'm sure I've mentioned many times that I love DC (something Lady Byron recently pointed out to me on twitter), and I fortunately seem to get to go there a lot on other people's dime. An annual meeting there is like my one work perk (well, that and 2 weeks off at Christmas and a week for spring break). Whenever I go, I always manage to work in an extra day or two to play and see the sights.

So, while my love for Our Nation's Capital is well documented, I don't think I have mentioned here that I'm going back next month. Inauguration, baby. Just me and Barack and four million or so of our closest friends. I had thought about going up for the inaugration just before and just after the election, but I finally decided it would be too much hassle, what with the accommodation seeking and the crowds and all the other related madness. That was until I got a call from the aforementioned Lady Byron.

It turns out that all three of the Byrons are coming over the pond from London to the inaguraton (including 5 year old BSH - who will be reporting on the doings back to her school class - and the rarely sighted Beard!) So, with that added attration, I couldn't pass up the trip.

So, a plane ticket and an extremely pricey hotel room had been secured. Yay!

Check it out

2008-12-07T14:59:00.001-05:00

Obama has already been added to the Presidents display in the National Museum of American History

Something I learned today

2008-12-03T19:08:00.005-05:00

Check it out:

Melisma.

In music, melisma is the singing of a single syllable of text while moving between several different notes in succession.

So there's actually a word for what I usually refer to as "you know, that crappy type of singing they do on American Idol"

On a related note: leave the National Anthem alone, people. It does not need your flourishes and whatnot. Just sing the damn thing and let them start the game.

Wandering off topic...

2008-12-02T19:25:00.007-05:00

So half the time when I start to write something for the blog I end up getting distracted and digress into writing something entirely different from what I had planned to discuss.

For example I saw this article today, in which it is mentioned that Ed Westwick was rumored to have been dating Drew Barrymore. So, my first thought was, what is up with Drew Barrymore dating all these kids? First Justin Long, now Ed Westwick. I mean, she's damn near my age.

Which got me thinking, how old is Drew Barrymore anyway? I mean, I was a kid when E.T. came out, and she was a kid in it, so...do the math.

So, the trusty IMDB tells me that Drew Barrymore is approaching 34, so I was more or less right about her. But then I looked up Justin Long, and I discovered that he is actually 30 years old (June 2, 1978). I had no idea. He's got some sort of Micheal J. Fox/Karate Kid thing going on. Also, completely age appropriate for Drew, so I stand corrected.

Ed Westwick, however, was born in 1987, which makes him 21 (also making him a part of the grand TV-high-schoolers-not-actually-played-by-teenagers tradition). Old enough to drink and all, but still a bit young for Drew.

And, while wandering around in the IMDB, I discovered some additional random information:

Steven Spielberg is Godfather to both Drew Barrymore and Gwyneth Paltrow
Barrymore's godmothers are Sophia Loren and Anna Strasberg.
Barrymore is the Godmother of the late Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love's daughter, Frances Bean
Michael J. Fox is 47 years old
Fox and Ralph Macchio are actually the same age, which I didn't realize when I cited them as examples of boyish looking fellows
Eric Stoltz was the original Marty McFly in Back to the Future (he was fired and replaced by Fox)

I love the IMDB.

counselling...look into it.

2008-12-02T11:45:00.002-05:00

Generally, I can't be bothered to think about the life of Kate Moss, but this does not sound like a healthy relationship to me. I mean, if you and your boyfriend are getting into a physical fight about anything, much less Christmas decorations, that seems...not cool. And her quote on the matter? "We fight and we have our ups and downs - like anyone, really." Umm...not so much.

gobble gobble

2008-11-27T11:33:00.011-05:00

For the holiday, some musings on turkey:

Of course there is the animal. Also the country.

A turkey is also:
1. a failure, flop; especially : a theatrical production that has failed
2. three successive strikes in bowling
4: a stupid, foolish, or inept person

Cold Turkey is a good one, as both a noun:
1: abrupt complete cessation of the use of an addictive drug ; also : the symptoms experienced by a person undergoing withdrawal from a drug
2: unrelieved blunt language or procedure
3: a cold aloof person
or an adverb: all at once : abruptly, without a period of gradual adjustment, adaptation, or withdrawal; without preparation

You can talk turkey: To discuss in a straightforward manner: “The time has come to talk turkey about our national debt.”

Watch out for the jive turkey, a phrase I still associate with George Jefferson.

And my favorite, the Turkey Dump: When a student returning from college breaks up with their significant other from high school. So-called because it traditionally takes place over thanksgiving break, the first time most students return from college.

Also, be sure to check out the Poultry Slam on This American Life, celebrating this season of elevated poultry consumption.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I miss my TV boyfriend already

2008-11-24T18:19:00.010-05:00

Dear People Who Watch TV,

I'm beginning to suspect that you wouldn't recognize good television if you were given a mugshot and detailed description (including birthmarks, tattoos, and other identifying characteristics.)

Thanks for nothing, stupid Nielsen families.

Bye Piemaker. You too, Eli.

I miss you already. Zil

Ow. My Ankle.

2008-11-23T22:32:00.011-05:00

So I twisted my ankle at the gym yesterday. It was extra dramatic, because it involved me actually falling down during a step class, which was great, because falling down in front of a bunch of people is always enjoyable. Did I mention that I am generally quite the clumsy girl? Because, yeah, I totally am.

I hobbled home and applied the usual ice/compression/elevation routine (it's not my first time around the sprained ankle block. Actually, I sprained my ankle in a high school soccer game a hundred years ago, and ever since my ankles seem to want to rebel against me. If I take even the slightest step in which the entire sole of my foot isn't abolutely flat on the ground, my ankle is like "Oh hell no. That's it, I'm out" and it just rolls over. Such a whiny thing)

Anyway, It's not really that bad. No crutches or anything, just a couple of days worth of bithcing and limping about. I've been convalescing and hanging on the couch since the incident, which has allowed me time to work my way through some of the backlog on my Ti-faux (I used to have an actual Tivo, which I loved, but alas it did not want to play nicely with the HDTV) I also watched Love, Actually on cable (making it's annual appearance for the holiday season, I guess) I joined the film a bit late, but the beauty of the DVR is the ability to rewind live TV, which worked out perfectly because it allowed me to fast forward through all the Laura Linney parts of the movie. Don't get me wrong, I generally enjoy Laura Linney, but in this film I think her whole story line doesn't work.

[here are 2 unrelated interrupting thoughts: 1. One of the things I like about Love, Actually is the interrelated story lines. I seem to enjoy that kind of thing. I love it in Go (still one of my favorite movies), Pulp Fiction (ditto) and even Playing by Heart (if you haven't seen this one, it's worth a look. Jon Stewart --acting!-- also Sean Connery, Gena Rowlands, Angelina Jolie, Ryan Phillippe, Gillian Anderson, Madeleine Stowe, Dennis Quaid, Jay Mohr, Anthony Edwards, Ellen Burstyn...quite the star-studded affair. 2. Have you seen that Laura Linney movie P.S.? I stumbled upon it on one of my movie channels a while back. It also has Topher Grace, who I also really like. It was pretty good, but the premise is that Linney believes that Grace is the reincarnation of her dead husband or something and that whole concept, not to mention the sex scene between the two, was a little disconcerting. Thus endeth the digression]

I also watched this version of Hamlet that I had never seen, featuring Ethan Hawke, Sam Shepard, Kyle MacLachlan, Bill Murray, Liev Schreiber, and Julia Stiles. I vaguely remember being aware of this when it came out. I have to say that it was surprisingly enjoyable. The language is Shakespearean, but the setting is modern. The "kingdom" is a Fortune 500 company with the "King" its CEO. I really liked the little modern touches like some of the dialogue coming in the form of TV news reports, Rosencrantz and Guildernstern reporting in to Claudius by phone and fax, Ophelia forced to wear a wire to try and get proof of Hamlet's madness, and the play-within-a-play taking the form of an arty movie shot by Hamlet. My ankle still hurts, though.

Seven unrelated things

2008-11-21T15:47:00.003-05:00

El Segundo has come up twice this week on TV shows I was watching. And each time, all I can think of is "I left my wallet in El Segundo" (which has caused me to walk around all week muttering "I gotta get it, I got got to get it...")
I find diamond jewelry commercials weirdly affecting. I don't even wear or like that kind of jewelry, but lately the sappy Kay Jewlery commercials have struck me as sweet.
How is it possible that Thanksgiving is on Thursday?
The Ashlee Simpson/Pete Wentz spawn finally arrived, and they named the kid Bronx Mowgli. So...they love NY and The Jungle Book? What is with celebrities and the jacked-up baby names
Have you seen the giant blue sculpture between the Dept. of Ed and the Civic Center (it's on Gaines St. + MLK Dr.)? I like it, but apparently it's not sticking around forever. Also, they fixed up that park. It looks quite nice
Have I mentioned that I've taken up jogging? I tried it a while back but fell off the wagon. I'm really not particularly fond of running, but I've decided to suck it up and learn to like it. Still very slow...the 4 minute mile has nothing to fear from me.
And now the weekend begins in T- minus 1 hour. Hooray!

Scooped

2008-11-18T19:37:00.012-05:00

So I love NPR, but they totally scooped me the other day. I was going to write a blog entry about this conversation I had with my father recently, where I was talking about all the non-U.S. actors doing excellent American accents on TV these days. Then I heard this on Morning Edition. Although, I did know that Simon Baker was Australian and not Birtish like they said, so Ha!

Also, my research was more complete. For example, they didn't mention Aussie Poppy Montgomery, who's on Without a Trace with Anthony LaPaglia, and Marianne Jean-Baptiste, who they did talk about. They got Hugh Laurie, Rufus Sewell, Jason O'Mara, and Damian Lewis (who are all super hot, by the way), but they missed nearly as many: Johnny Lee Miller, Kevin McKidd, Ed Westwick, John Nobel, Anna Friel, Yvonne Strahovski, Anna Torv, Lena Headey (actually they seem to have missed all the women except Jean-Baptiste. I guess that's what an Oscar nomination gets you).

So...what's up with this? I do buy some of the arguments in the NPR story that UK actors are trained, and that there is a place in the theatre for actors who are not "leading man handsome", unlike in the US, so actors are nurtured and allowed to develop. But what about the Aussies? There's not really the whole acting-tradition-going-back-to-Shakespeare thing there.

I also wonder why some of these characters can't have their native accent. I understand in some cases, like O'Mara as an NYC cop, and the various CIA and FBI agents...they generally need to be Americans for plausibility. But couldn't Sewell be a British scientist consulting for the FBI? Weswick the scion of an ex-pat family living on the Upper East Side? Laurie a British doc in a Princeton hospital (Chase works there, and he's an Aussie playing an Aussie)?

There's...not really a point to this. I just found it interesting.

Who will play Marvin Gardens?

2008-11-18T09:51:00.010-05:00

So, you know how I mentioned before that there are no new ideas for musicals? Well, apparently, there aren't any for movies either. Well, I suppose it's a new idea, it's just weird.

Also, I picture Marvin Gardens as a bon vivant and dashing man about town.

I'm all kinds of sugar and spice and everything nice, I swear!

2008-11-14T13:56:00.006-05:00

So Gender Analyzer seems to think that my blog is written by a dude.

See:

Results

We guess http://capricious1.blogspot.com is written by a man (56%), however it's quite gender neutral.

Ok, so I'm "gender neutral", actually. Apparently I don't write enough about babies and shoe shopping and whatnot. Although ironically, I'm in the market for a new pair of black fancy heels because I recently messed up the heel of my current pair at a baby shower. That's actually true, but also, check me out now, gender analyzer.

Billy Ray addendum

2008-11-14T09:52:00.006-05:00

See, Billy Ray, you shouldn't go spouting off so quickly or you will have to backtrack. However, it is nice to know that whether or not the little Obamas appear on Hannah Montana is part of God's plan.

No, it's not Seasons of Love

2008-11-13T20:21:00.002-05:00

So, I have had this song from Rent running through my head for days. This is odd for several reasons:

I do not recall having recently heard this song. Because,
Like most people, I have neither seen nor thought about Rent (either the musical or the film version) in years, and
This is not even one of the main songs from the show, or one I even particularly liked.

How does this stuff find its way into our brains?

Taye Diggs is hot though.

I really hope this is true

2008-11-13T15:10:00.003-05:00

Obama Declines Daughters' Hannah Montana Invite

I know Barack and Michelle have better sense than to do this. The last thing that those girls need is to be TV guest stars, even if it is on a harmless tween show. They are already under a microscope during a time when they are not only moving to a new town and school, but into the White House for God’s sake. Get them the hypoallergenic puppy and keep them out of the spotlight. Oh, and shut-up Billy Ray Cyrus. Did the whole Vanity Fair thing teach you nothing? Leave those girls be.

Travel tribulations

2008-11-12T13:31:00.013-05:00

So, I’m finally getting around to posting again. I’m back from Orlando, where the conference was fine and I got to visit my friend Juanita, who is now a resident of the God-forsaken place. I also met her fiancée, who I guess will also need an internet alias, and their highly active dog. And we went to Sea World, where I fed a sea lion and touched a sting ray, so that was cool.

I rode down to Orlando with work people, but stayed an extra couple of days, so I had to pick up a rental car at the Orlando airport, which took forever. (Advice: avoid renting a car at the Orlando Airport. Huge lines full of vacationing families from throughout North America and Europe.) On the plus side, my trip to the airport did give me the opportunity to walk on a moving sidewalk. I do love the moving sidewalks. They are by far the best thing in any airport. I feel so speedy and important when I’m on one, effortlessly bypassing those walking-on-the-regular-ground losers. I think there should be moving sidewalks out in the world, taking people from their car to the mall or office or movie theatre and back again. I also have this desire to see those skyride aerial tram things you ride on at amusement parks (like the ones at Disney and Busch Gardens) used as a form of around-town public transportation. Think about it. It’s like a cable car, but in the sky. You get a relaxing journey with a lovely view. I confess this idea came to me in a dream, in which Tallahassee had such a system. I walked out to my corner, got into the gondola and was whisked across town to FSU. But, I digress.

Anyway, I finally got my rental car, and as usual it was kind of a pain in the ass. It’s nice to get to try out a different car, but there’s always so much hassle. For example, I hate coming out of a hotel or restaurant or whatever and not immediately recalling what my car looks like. I spent 10 minutes wandering around a mall parking lot looking for my car, because while I could remember that it way gray, I’m not routinely familiar with the lines and body shape of the Mitsubishi Galant. I kept pushing the button on the key to try and make the horn beep to let me know it’s location. I thought I was honing in on it, until I realized that this elderly couple was doing the same thing and I had been following their horn.

I also hate how they don’t put the manual for the car in the glove box anymore. I guess people stole them? Way to ruin it for the rest of us, sticky fingers. Anyway, the manual has helpful information on how to do all the things I always have to spend a lot of time figuring out, like how to turn on the headlights or operate the cruise control. Invariably, I never try to determine how the windshield wipers work until it starts raining, then I find myself trying not to wreck while attempting to decipher the words on that little stick on the steering column. And my personal car doesn’t have those headlights that go on and off automatically, so I don't know how to determine if the rental car lights have come on, nor do I believe they will turn themselves off.

A while back had one of those HHRs (the state makes you rent the compact, but AVIS is often out of them, so they just upgrade you to whatever’s around. The best was when I got a Prius.) Anyway, I was going to Orlando, as usual, and I didn’t need to roll down the window until I was approaching one of O-town’s many charming tollbooths. It was only then that I realized that I had no idea how to open the window. There was no button or knob or crank or anything on the door. I finally had to open the door at the booth to pay the toll, where the helpful tollbooth worker told me, “the window control is in the middle by the gear shift.” Apparently, it was not his first time seeing people with this problem. Didn’t make me look like less of an idiot, however. Ditto the time that I pulled up to the gas pump and had to spend 5 minutes trying to figure out how to open the little door over the gas tank. And I never remember to look beforehand at which side of the car the tank is on, so I’m always pulling up to the wrong pump.

Ok, enough bitching for now. But for real, someone needs to get cracking on that skyride transport system, stat. That is totally the way forward.

Election thoughts

2008-11-05T10:38:00.011-05:00

So, It's day 2 with President-Elect Obama (President Obama has such a nice ring to it) and I'm just getting around to talking about it because I'm at a conference in Orlando. I had to leave to come down here the morning after there election, and have been busy conferencing until now.

But, I now have a moment to breathe before dinner, so I thought I would reflect a bit. To begin with, I am so happy and still in a bit of disbelief. I have to say that despite the fact he was leading in the polls and possessed an impressive grassroots organization and even though he seemed to have truly captured the imagination of the public, I spent all election day thinking it could still all go horribly wrong at the last minute. I mean, it's not like that is unprecedented, and lord knows I've been burned in the past. And early on CNN was killing me with those returns and those charts with all the crazy voter categories and that map with vote totals going all the way down to the county level. I really liked the map once things started to turn, but the early returns were worrying me. But, the forces of good triumphed in the end, and that's all the matters.

Here's some other stuff:

Someone on CNN mentioned this interesting fact: the candidate with the better military record hasn’t won in the last 5 elections: Bush over Kerry and Gore, Clinton over Dole and Bush the elder.

Also on the CNN front. I'm kinda torn on the holograms. They were freaky, but kind of grew on me. I mean, are holograms really that different than talking heads on a TV screen? Also, it's led to so many "help me (Barack Obama, will.i.am, etc.), you're my only hope" jokes. Also, I rather enjoyed Wolf and Anderson saying "now joining us live via hologram..."

I can’t believe the anti-gay marriage amendment passed (not only in FL but in CA too). I just really don’t get this issue. How does a gay marriage diminish a straight one? Gay marriage does not impinge on the rights of straight couples or take anything away from their relationships. And if it’s an issue of faith, I don’t get why people think that the tenants of their particular faith should be put in the constitution. I mean, that’s like a bunch of Christians saying were down with Jesus, but the Jews aren't, so let's put "Jesus is the son of God" in the constitution, you know, just in case the Jews want to name another Messiah sometime. To me, this issue is no different from the laws that used to prevent blacks and whites from marrying. How do people not see that? Being that I am neither married nor gay, the issue doesn't affect me directly, other than we just put something in the constitution that takes rights away from a specific minority group. That's just disturbing...

I also can't believe that Ted Stevens got re-elected immediately after getting convicted. I mean, thanks to Palin, we already knew that Alaska was messed up, but good lord people...

I love that there will be little kids in the White House again. I just hope the press (and assholes like Limbaugh and his ilk) don't go all Chelsea Clinton on the girls.

Oh also, thank God this election is over. Two years of campaigning, ya'll.

That's enough for now. Yay Obama!

Go Vote!

2008-11-03T18:42:00.004-05:00

Enough Said.

Still getting out the vote

2008-11-03T09:14:00.007-05:00

I was happy to see this. I hope it gets the youth vote out for Barack down there among the Republicans.

Hip-hop stars stump for Obama in South Florida

I'm not much of a Diddy fan (quit changing your name already), but I love Russell Simmons, and if you have the 2 of them plus Jay-Z...that's quite the hip hop triumvirate. Not to mention, those are some extremely rich dudes.

I really really hope we become a blue state this year. Although, we have to make it through this to get there.

Joe the Biden

2008-11-02T18:00:00.008-05:00

Today I attended the the Joe Biden Rally over at FSU, where I got to stand in the front row and shake his hand, which was pretty cool. He seems like a nice man, and I look forward to his being our VP. There were a bunch of McCain protesters outside the rally, waving signs and generally trying to disrupt things. They had some sort of siren that they kept setting off during Biden's speech, but you really couldn't hear it, so their efforts were for nothing. They were also screaming and playing with their siren during the part of the speech where Biden was talking about reaching across the aisle and healing partisan differences, and working together for the good of the country, so nice one, McCain-ites.

Here's another tangentially related thing that happened yesterday. I went to get a pedicure with my friend Lucy (Black Onyx was my selected toenail color, in case you were curious). Afterward, we were standing outside the Tallahassee Mall by her car. She and her husband, Ricky, had been canvassing for Obama that morning. One of the houses they passed by had a McCain/Palin sign in the yard, but it also had a pile of 4 or 5 Obama signs that the resident had obviously snatched out of people's yards. Lucy and Ricky took the signs for redistribution (which I think works as some sort of metaphor for the whole "Obama wants to redistribute your wealth" thing that McCain is always on about with Joe the Plumber these days, but I can't quite work it out at the moment) Anyway, she had the signs in her trunk, and so I walked over to her car to get one. We were standing there chatting and I was holding the sign, when out of nowhere, this 30-ish African-American dude walks up to me and says "I just want to tell you that I'm a McCain supporter, and you might as well throw those signs away." Very odd...

Why politics makes me hate everyone #5

2008-10-31T07:54:00.004-05:00

Elizabeth Dole:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=96357211

Personally, I don't think a person's religion, or lack thereof, should be an issue in an election, but some people are fanatical about it and this panders to the worst in them. This is just the epitome of a smear ad. Here is on YouTube.

The sleeziest bit is that that last line is not her voice.

Also not a fan of Robin Hayes, also mentioned in the above article.

Hayes got some unwanted attention earlier this month when — warming up the crowd at a rally for John McCain — he said liberals "hate real Americans that work and accomplish and achieve and believe in God." He was speaking at a McCain rally and announed that "liberals 'hate real Americans that work and accomplish and achieve and believe in God."

Really nice, North Carolina.