31 March 2009

Do these men look likely to poke each other in the eye?

I know this has been widely reported lately, but I really can’t make up my mind how I feel  about Sean Penn, Benicio del Toro, and Jim Carrey as the new Three Stooges

Several reasons: 

1.  I'm really not a fan of the Stooges (the Three Stooges that is, the regular Stooges, they rock). I’ve been told that this is because I am a
 woman, and there might
 be some validity in that.  The Three Stooges really does seem to be a guy thing. (Although, this woman would strongly disagree) 

2. I also have issues with the
Farrelly Brothers.  Occasionally, one of their films will have moments that are funny to me, but the bulk of it is really not amusing.  But, I do see the beauty of these guys directing this movie.  Their slapstick and gross-out humor isn’t my thing, but it fits right into the Stooges mold.

3. I’m interested in what they are going to do about a script.  Three guys slapping each other upside the head for 2 hours (even if 2 of the guys have Oscars) does not a movie make.

4.  I'm concerned about the hairstyles.  Carrey just has to shave it, which I'm sure he can pull off, but I'm not sure about del Toro making with the curly on the sides/receding in the front look or Penn rocking the bowl cut.

27 March 2009

So yesterday I went for a run out at Lake Overstreet, and when I was done I went to stretch a little bit over by the Forrest Meadows playground .  Usually, there are at least a few kids there with their attendant parents, but yesterday the place was deserted.  Which gave me the opportunity to play on the swings.  I love swings.  I will never be to old play on the swings.  The swings were always my favorite piece of playground equipment as a kid (actually, I was really fond of the merry-go-round as well).  Swinging is like flying, like a mini rollercoaster ride.  I still had my iPod on from runnng, so I listened to The Clash and pumped my legs to go as high as possible, and that, my friends, is an evening well spent.

25 March 2009

What sort of witchcraft is this?

So, I see this car every so often, always on Tharpe St. when I'm on my way home from work, and every time I see it, it makes my head explode a little.  I finally managed to get a photo of it.  For your consideration:

It's a little hard to see in the photo, so here is the gist of all those bumper stickers on the bottom:
  • Goddess Bless America
  • I'm pagan and I vote
  • Freedom of religion means any religion
  • Yes, I'm a witch. Deal with it
  • (pentagram) Clergy
  • (pentagram) No, that's not a star of David
So...I'm guessing you're a witch?  Which is all well and good.  More power to you, I say.  My issue lies not in the stickers on the bumper, but the one on the right side of the trunk:

A "W" sticker?  Really?  Because of all the religious tolerence?  I'm so confused.  (Also, is that a Fraternal Order of Police sticker above it?  It's faded, so it's hard to tell. Unrelated, but interesting).  I know the Republican party claims to have a big tent and all that, but I still don't get this.  The cognitive dissonance hurts my head.

24 March 2009

Say it isn't so...

So apparently the Marlins are getting a new stadium, and when they move, the team name will be changed from the Florida Marlins to the Miami Marlins? Yeah, that's stupid.

I'm usually not a fan of state names for teams (as opposed to the usual city names). It's usually a lame effort to make people who don't live in city big enough to support a team feel like they are included. ("No, really, the team is for the whole state. Just because Tallahassee is like 8 hours from Miami, that doesn't mean this isn't your team. Yay Florida!").

It's even further out of control in the Carolinas, where the team's location is even more vague. Last time I checked, North and South Carolina were actually 2 separate states, not one big Carolina. (For the record, the "Carolina" teams are in NC...Charlotte for the Panthers, Raleigh for the Hurricanes. Sorry about that, SC.) Even my very own Buccaneers are from Tampa Bay...wouldn't want St. Pete to feel left out. And don't get me started on the Golden State Warriors. That's the worst. That's a state motto, not an actual place. We don't have any Sunshine State teams. Although, I now want New Hampshire to get some sort of team and name them the "Live Free or Die" Bears, or something. That would be cool.

In this day and age, location has little to do with fan base. With ESPN and the Internet and 24 hour sports programing, it's not like people necessarily root for their home town/state team anyway. You can pretty much easily follow any team you want, so people are are just as likely to choose a rooting interest based on a player they like or the team their dad rooted for or a club with a lot of players who went to their college or a million other reasons apart from proximity.

But, I digress. My point was Miami Marlins just sounds wrong. And Miami is dumb. So, while I would normally be all for the downsizing of the geographic nomenclature, in this instance I vote nay.

20 March 2009

An open letter to traffic:

Dear Tallahasse commuters,

Why do you drive like that?  Speeding and constantly switching lanes in an effort to get ahead, only to end up stopped at the same red light as me 30 seconds later.  It makes you seem like kind of an asshole. 

In fact, I bet you are an asshole.

Be polite and learn to drive better, asshole.

18 March 2009

An open letter to March Madness

Dear Sporting Community,

Please stop using the word "bracketology"

It's stupid.

Thanks so much.

11 March 2009

Make sure the instructions cover all contingencies...

So, have you seen these little stroller/chairs-to-push-your-kids-around-in things they have at the Tallahassee Mall?

Did you happen to notice the fine print?

Sound advice.

06 March 2009

Yet more euphemisms...

So once again the spam seems to have found a way around our email filters at work.  So, I share with you the subject lines for the fine penis related items I received offers for today:
  • Lacking some confidence? Maybe you should take a look inside of your pants? 
  • Show off your manhood to your lady
  • Your stamina and power won't stop amazing women.
  • Be the most respected and wanted man out there. 
  • Women are put off by the sight of a dwarf hook. 
  • You can't party when your instrument is dead. 
And my personal favorite: 
  • It's all in your hands what's inside your pants.  

For the past collections, click here, or here.

03 March 2009

Is your cold fun? No, it's snot.

So I have been sick with this totally annoying cold for going on 2 weeks now, and all I can think is this: at what point is my head going to stop manufacturing snot? I mean, for real...is snot just a limitless commodity? Is there an infinite amount available? Because I have been blowing my nose non-stop, and it just keeps on coming. I feel like my whole head is filled to the brim, my ears are clogged, I've got the post-nasal drip...enough already. I have tried every variety of cold medicine and no joy. I broke down and went to the dr. yesterday, and apparently it's just a cold. Something viral, so no help from the antibiotics. I do feel marginally better today. One of my ears finally popped, so I don't feel like a little old lady who goes around saying "eh?" constantly and who has one of those comically giant horn things she holds up to her ear for people to speak into. So, I guess that's a step in the right direction...

Oh also, those tissues with the lotion in them are the greatest invention ever.

I will leave you with these fine photos I took to amuse myself while waiting for the dr. yesterday:

The scary needle disposal unit:

Still life with blood pressure thing, instrument tray, and that light they use to look at your lady bits: