10 April 2009

irrational hatred/inexplicable affinity

So The Masters is underway, and it's got me thinking about irrational hatred. Not of The Masters or of golf (I like both of those things) but of Tiger Woods. Man, I just can’t stand that dude, and I really have no idea why. Actually, I do know why, as I explained here. But really, my dislike of him is rather disproportionate to the actual impact he has on my life.

It goes both ways, not only are there people I dislike for completely random reasons, there's also a group of people that I find myself liking, even though I have no business doing so. I don’t mean like mass murderers or pedophiles or anything. It’s more like marginal actors that appear in questionable movies, or crappy pop singers, or dudes who seem kind of douchy, yet I still have a soft spot for them for some reason. Does anyone else have random celebrities you either like or hate for reasons passing your understanding?

It's also weird who makes it onto the list. I mean, there are plenty of celebrities I either like or dislike. The list is really for when I feel strongly about a person, and I either can't quite put my finger on why I feel that way, or as stated above, the intensity of the feeling is totally odd to be directed at someone I don't actually know, see, interact with, or have actual first-hand knowledge of.

There is no rhyme or reason to these classifications; they are applied in a completely subjective and capricious manner. Two people could do the exactly the same thing and depending on my completely arbitrary feelings about each person, I might see one as an irredeemable asshole while the other is merely a charming rapscallion. (See, for example, the recent behavior of one Christian Bale. He’s still totally my movie boyfriend. If Tom Cruise pulled that shit? Forget about it. And, while we are on the subject, have you seen the previews for Public Enemies? Bale and Johnny Depp all dressed up like 1930’s gangsters? Nothing wrong with that.)

Anyway, to this end I present you with irrational hatred/inexplicable affinity list for your enjoyment. In no particular order:

Irrational Hatred
  • Tiger Woods Again, my argument is here, so I will not elaborate further, except to say I was hoping his comeback from knee surgery would take a bit longer, so the golf world wouldn't be back to all Tiger all the time quite so soon.

  • Bobby Flay I don’t know what it is about him, but he bugs the crap out of me. While it could have something to do with the the whole “celebrity chef” phenomenon being in itself annoying…I don't think that's it. It’s him. Jamie Oliver is cute as a button. I enjoy Tom Collichio on Top Chef. I bear no similar ill will toward Alton Brown or Paula Deen or even Rachel Ray (who actually might be teetering on the brink, because she is becoming more annoying as her media empire expands. And, not to digress, but I don’t get her thing with saying E.V.O.O. I understand that it is shorter to say than “extra-virgin olive oil”, but if brevity is your goal, why not just say "evo" [like “eve-o”]? It’s 2 syllables shorter and rolls much more easily off the tongue. Yeah, she definitely may be edging into Bobby Flay territory…)

  • Jamie Foxx I think this stems from when the movie Ray came out and I think for a while he started to think that he actually was Ray Charles, which…no. Jaime Foxx is no Ray Charles. (Kanye West didn’t help things by using Foxx on Gold Digger while also sampling Charles' “I Got a Woman”.) I maintain that Ray Charles would never have an eponymous crappy WB sitcom Also, I have issues with actors who also need to have a “music” career (i.e. ScarJo, below) Plus, he's in that Soloist movie that is about to come out, so he's been all over the place lately. Let's hope he doesn't start to think he actually is a homeless schizophrenic street musician.

  • Scarlett Johansson I just don’t get the appeal. She’s like the Hollywood it girl and it just seems like she’s not that hot or that good an actress or even remotely interesting. And releasing an album of Tom Waits covers is just too pretentious for words.

Inexplicable Affinity
  • Ryan Reynolds See, here is a classic example of why the hatred/affinity is irrational/inexplicable. Ryan Reynolds is married to Scarlett Johansson. And before that he was engaged to Alanis Morisette, who I don’t really mind that much nowadays, but who was right up there on the irrational hatred list in her heyday. His movies are generally not good, and he could easily have that Dane Cook sort of aura about him (you know, like slacker hipster asshole). But he is charming and pretty and seems like a nice enough fellow. Horrible taste in women, though.

  • Pete Carroll I kind of hate USC. Again, for no real reason other than I think they are over-hyped and overpraised when they really don’t play very stiff competition out on the west coast. Plus, I hate the whole vibe of L.A. teams with all the celebrity “fans”. That being said, I think Pete Carroll is hot. I just can’t help it. I love a silver fox.

  • Rick Pitino Basketball coaches are creepy. I cite Pat Riley and Billy Donovan as examples of what I mean. Whenever I look at them I get a vibe that is combination of the stereotypes “douchy New York Italian guy” and “used car salesman”. The slicked back hair and the smarmy demeanor…ugh, it drives me crazy. And Rick Pitino should fit solidly in that mold. From New York? Check. Italian-American? Check. He coached and mentored Donovan…practically created him. And, he played ball in Massachusetts and coached the Celtics, which brings in another whole set of Boston based stereotypes (And I’m not saying these stereotypes are fair or true, but they exist. Think the Jimmy Fallon/Rachel Dratch characters on SNL) But, I like Pitino for some reason. Maybe he’s really just a Kentucky boy at heart.

  • Jason Statham He keeps on making those Transporter movies, and seemingly similar fare like Crank and Death Race. Dude likes driving fast (even in The Italian Job, he was mostly the driver). But, he got his start in Guy Ritchie’s movies, and he was really quite good in The Bank Job (a straight-up acting role with no fast driving or kung-fu fighting). And, he seems quite charming, in that London hard man sort of way, which I am a sucker for.

  • Jay Mohr He seems like one of those comedians that’s funny, but might also be kind of a dick. He seems like every frat boy you've ever known (again, I must cite Dane Cook as a model, who surprisingly is not on the list. Bordering on it, but I don’t really have that much occasion to think about him…) And, he is friends with Jim Rome, which does not speak well of Jay (and who is not on the list, because I feel that my hatred of him is totally justified. Also, that's another sports guy, and they are already overrepresented, which makes me seem like some kind of sports nut, which I am totally not) But, he is funny, and his Andrew McCarthy impression is priceless (and surprisingly unavailable on the Internet) as is his Walken.


EDP said...

This list totally spoke to me. Tiger Woods? Hatehatehatehatehate. Now you've got me thinking about my own senseless love/hate lists. By the way, I've always liked Jay Mohr, too!

KMS said...

Putting your list in print is brave. I admire the commitment. My list is long, pretty harsh, but mostly only in my mind. I think I'd need a mega-blog to get mine written out.