Also, I hate songs with parenthesis in the title

So here is a weird thing that happened yesterday. I had to stop by my dentist’s office to pick up a copy of an old bill (blah blah blah, medical reimbursement, whatever). Anyway, the business next door to the dentist is an establishment that seems to offer car window tinting and stereo installation. There were a bunch of dudes standing around a car out back. I guess they had just put a new system in it, and they were trying to test it out. And, the method they chose to employ to do said test was to blast “P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)” by Michael Jackson at maximum volume. Now, this seemed odd at the time – that’s really not one of your better MJ tracks (in my opinion), and it’s also one you don’t generally happen across that often (couldn’t tell you the last time I heard it) – but it seems even weirder in retrospect. This was around lunchtime yesterday, which is when the paramedics were just showing up to MJ’s house, so it’s not like the car dudes knew he had kicked and were offering up some sort of parking lot tribute. Although, I do like the concept of that. “Man, did you hear? Michael Jackson is dead!” “No way dude, let’s go blast P.Y.T in the parking lot!”

Go USA

So, I finally got around to watching the US v. Spain game from yesterday’s Confederations Cup (I already knew the outcome, so I wasn’t in that much of a rush) Good game, even though now we have to play Brazil. Some thoughts:

1. How did Spain not score? They spent practically the whole game in the US’s penalty box.

2. That red card was nonsense. Bradley was totally going for the ball.

3. Landon Donovan performed one of the worst dives I have ever seen in my life. He brushed lightly past a Spain player with his shoulder, then randomly fell to the turf writhing like he had been kicked in the face or something. You are a bad actor, dude.

4. I used to totally hate Alexi Lalas, but I like him so much better since he shaved that thing off his face.

5. David-Villa was by far the prettiest thing on that field.

And, when I turned the DVR off, my TV was still on ESPN2 from the night before. They were showing something called Major League Lacrosse. Boston was playing Toronto. Since when do we have a professional lacrosse league?

huh?

You know, I was thinking that I hadn’t posted anything on the blog in a while and I should probably come up with something to say, when this happened:

So I stop off to get a bagel on the way to work this morning (a little Friday treat after going to the gym @ 6am). And now I notice that my previous entry also took place at a bagel place. Odd. Anway, I’m standing in line minding my own business when a guy comes in and gets in line behind me. I turn around and am confronted by this:

Now, I apologize for the complete crappiness of the photo but I while I was trying to take the picture I was having a bit of a struggle for the following reasons:

1. I didn’t want the dude to see that I was taking a picture because, well…awkward.
2. I was walking past him on my way out and couldn’t really stop, you know, for reason #1 (and which is the cause of the extreme blurriness. The subject was still, but I was in motion)
3. I didn’t bring my bag with me when I ran into the bagel place, so I was trying to snap a photo with my iphone (which is often tricky under ideal conditions) while also trying to hold onto my wallet, my bagel, a side of cream cheese, a cup of diet coke, and my keys

So really, you’re lucky to have any photographic evidence at all.

Now, since you can’t see his head in the photo, I will say for visualization purposes that he looked quite a bit like Tim Conway in the “Mrs. Wiggens” sketches on the Carol Burnett Show (and while that is a truly weird point of comparison, it is totally the first image that came into my mind when I saw him. That must have been lurking somewhere in the back of my head for quite some time. I haven’t seen or thought about the Carol Burnett Show in years – although I used to watch the reruns all the time as a kid. But, I certainly don’t know how that particular sketch remained in my brain. Oh another digression: as soon as the sketch popped into my mind, I could totally hear Tim Conway saying “Mrs. Wiggins” with that weird pronunciation, which is much the same way Stewie says “cool hwhip” in that episode of Family Guy. )

Anyway, back to the bagel shop. So the notable thing about this dude was not his similarity in appearance to a 70’s-era variety show sketch character, but rather the t-shirt he was wearing. And while you can’t make out what it says in the photo, you may be able to tell that it is airbrushed which I think just adds and extra layer of weirdness on top of the already weird layer that is the shirt’s message, which was: Lesbian trapped in a man’s body.

Yeah...that's just odd. On top of the whole cognitive dissonance (i.e. the shirt might make more sense on a frat boy than a guy who looks like a middle-aged accountant) what is he even trying to say with that? Is he trying to pick-up lesbians? Is he expressing solidarity with the sisters? Is he pointing out that he, like lesbians, enjoys sex with women? Really, it was just too much for me to parse at 7:30 on a Friday morning.

An open thank you note to the new bagel guy at Bruggers this morning

Dear New Bagel guy, 

Words cannot express my joy at arriving at work this morning to discover that the bagel you presented me with had actually been cut into 2 pieces of equal thickness.  It was a true pleasure to be able to place my bagel in the office toaster confident in the fact that I would not end up, as I have so many mornings,  with one thick, chewy, practically untoasted half and one thin, toasted hard-as-a-hockey-puck half.  Thank you so much for you diligence in performing correctly what is essentially the only task required of you.  I only wish your crooked-bagel-cutting colleagues would follow your shining example.  Keep up the good work.  Love, Zil

An open letter to the Denver Nuggets

Dear Nuggets,

Thanks for forcing me to have to root for the Magic.   Because while I don’t really like them at all, the Lakers truly bug me.  I’m tired of Phil Jackson and all his Zen master hoopla.  And also, shut up, Kobe.

It’s not the Lakers’ fault, really.  It’s the whole L.A. vibe that gripes me.  All those celebrities in the stands…so annoying.  Led by Jack Nicholson.  Oh Jack Nicholson, how did I manage to leave you off my irrational hatred list. You are definitely a member.  The way you wear sunglasses all the time.  You are inside, Jack.  I do not believe you have an eye condition that requires those. And the way you have become a parody of yourself.   You no longer have to act in films, you just have to act like Jack Nicholson.  (And that is a shame, because you are a fine actor and I do enjoy a number of your performances.  In fact, it is not your film performances that bother me. I’m just sick of seeing your mug in the audience at awards shows, where the host then has to call attention to how cool you are.)  Oh, and if you could date a woman near-ish to your own age for a change, that would be refreshing.

Oh, and back to you, Nuggets.  Thanks also for causing me to have to think more about Jack Nicholson than I would normally like to in a day.  Fortunately, I’m not planning on watching the games, so I won’t have to endure all the cuts to Jack sitting in the stands.  In his damn sunglasses.