29 April 2009

Give a hoot, don't pollute

I went to return my library books the other day, and I spotted this bumper sticker (which I absolutely love) and it was a strange coincidence, because my co-worker and I had just been discussing littering. My office is at Innovation Park, which is basically a big circle. Lots of people, including me, go out and walk around the loop when we need a break from work. And there is always some kind of trash out there along the street. I notice this same phenomenon lots of places; I guess that’s why they have that adopt-a-highway program. And why you always see the prisoners in the stripe-y outfits and juvenile delinquents doing community service with a hefty bag and a trash-picking stick by the side of the road. But I have to wonder, who exactly are these people that just chuck their trash out of the car all willy-nilly?

It would never even occur to me to pitch my trash on the side of the road. I mean, maybe something biodegradable like an apple core or some peanut shells, but actual trash? Who does that? I’ve been known to pour out the dregs of a beverage by the side of the road, but I would never throw out the cup as well. I just don’t get this. Like if you are on a road trip and you have a bag of fast-food wrappers from a stop at the Taco Bell or whatever…can’t you just toss them into the back seat until you stop for gas? Do you really need them out of the car so badly that they have to leave the vehicle right that second? Garbage cans are ubiquitous. You can find tons of them at the gas station, the rest stop, the fast food restaurant, your home, your hotel, the tourist destination of your choice…just hold onto your trash until you get there, people.

And, while we are on the subject, don’t they still teach kids in school not to litter? I remember all kinds of anti-littering lessons delivered by Woodsy Owl. We even had to learn a song about him (which, surprisingly, I can find nowhere on the interwebs [to digress, I had this same problem when I tried to find a recording of the original version of Hey, Hey, Tampa Bay…the “The Bucs know how to shine” one from the ‘70’s, not the new one] sometimes the interwebs let you down. Especially on stuff like this from my childhood, when nobody had video cameras or VCRs.) I do remember that the song had the following lyrics “

"Give a hoot, don’t pollute.
Never be a dirty bird.
In the city or in the wood,
help keep America looking good”
If you ask me, that’s still a good lesson for today.

23 April 2009

What is wrong with me?

So I just got back from a run and the following things happened:
  • I successfully competed one circuit around the trail without incident (i.e.: falling down)
  • I started walking a second lap to cool down
  • While walking, I stumbled over a root. Didn't fall though...
  • Thought "ha ha, I will have to mention that on my blog, that I didn't trip while running, but almost fell while walking."
  • Decided that I should run a little more, since I wasn't completely exhausted and I'm trying to be able to run farther and/or faster.
  • Started running, went a little ways, tripped over a root and wiped out
  • Lay on the ground and laughed at own clumsiness/stupidity
I banged up the same leg as on Tuesday (and Wednesday, for that matter) Fortunately this time I missed the existing knee and ankle injuries and hit the lower part of my leg. Giant scrape along the outside of my shin.

Lest you be concerned that I have developed some horrible inner ear thing or vertigo that has rendered me unable to keep my self upright, I will point out that I actually tripped over stuff, I didn't just keel over. But, I have got to find a less root-y trail. Or pick my feet up more, I suppose...

So in 3 days that's a bruise on my knee, a puncture (from the bike chain thing) and a lump on my ankle, and now a scrape on my lower leg. And all on my left leg, I guess I must favor that side somehow. So bumps and bruises and lacerations and contusions. Man, I'm such a spaz.

22 April 2009

Successfully went for a run today without incident. Ordinarily this would not be news except for yesterday, I went for a bike ride and managed to bash my ankle on the spikey things that hold the bike chain (don't ask). And, the day before that, I went for a run and tripped over a root and banged my knee on the ground. Scrapes and bruises all around! Fitness is dangerous, y'all. Also, I am clumsy. Like, seriously.

16 April 2009

An open letter to that dude driving the tricked out Dodge Charger by the stadium yesterday:

Hey Dodge guy,

You are not a stunt driver and this is not a major Hollywood movie.  So, there is really no need to drive like that.  


13 April 2009

Why do people do this?

So you know what I don’t get? People who back into parking spaces. What is that about? Empirically, it is more difficult to drive a car backward than forward. It just is. You have to crane your neck around to look over your shoulder or use the rear view mirror and remember things are backward and you can’t see what’s happening down by your tires...it’s just a pain in the ass. Yet people do it all the time. Witness the photo taken this afternoon in my office parking lot:

At least here there is ample parking so you can back into spaces that don't have other cars right next to them, but people still do it even when all the spaces are occupied. It makes no sense. When you pull into a space, you are moving into a more constricted space surrounded by obstacles (i.e. the other cars) that you have to avoid. Why would you want to do that backwards? And backing into a parking space is different than backing out of one. When you back out, you are moving from the more constricted spot to a more open one…much easier to do backward.

I have less of an objection if the parking situation is like this:

...and you pull through from one side to the other. I do that myself on occasion (but note: only when the parking lot is really empty. There is nothing more annoying that getting ready to pull into a parking place the normal way and getting almost hit head-on by someone pulling through from the other side.)

People make the argument that they park this way because it is easier and quicker to get out of the space when it is time to leave. That is nonsense. The few seconds you save when exiting won't make up for the extra time, bother, and skill required to back in on arrival. And, unless you are robbing the joint, how fast do you really need to make a getaway?

10 April 2009

irrational hatred/inexplicable affinity

So The Masters is underway, and it's got me thinking about irrational hatred. Not of The Masters or of golf (I like both of those things) but of Tiger Woods. Man, I just can’t stand that dude, and I really have no idea why. Actually, I do know why, as I explained here. But really, my dislike of him is rather disproportionate to the actual impact he has on my life.

It goes both ways, not only are there people I dislike for completely random reasons, there's also a group of people that I find myself liking, even though I have no business doing so. I don’t mean like mass murderers or pedophiles or anything. It’s more like marginal actors that appear in questionable movies, or crappy pop singers, or dudes who seem kind of douchy, yet I still have a soft spot for them for some reason. Does anyone else have random celebrities you either like or hate for reasons passing your understanding?

It's also weird who makes it onto the list. I mean, there are plenty of celebrities I either like or dislike. The list is really for when I feel strongly about a person, and I either can't quite put my finger on why I feel that way, or as stated above, the intensity of the feeling is totally odd to be directed at someone I don't actually know, see, interact with, or have actual first-hand knowledge of.

There is no rhyme or reason to these classifications; they are applied in a completely subjective and capricious manner. Two people could do the exactly the same thing and depending on my completely arbitrary feelings about each person, I might see one as an irredeemable asshole while the other is merely a charming rapscallion. (See, for example, the recent behavior of one Christian Bale. He’s still totally my movie boyfriend. If Tom Cruise pulled that shit? Forget about it. And, while we are on the subject, have you seen the previews for Public Enemies? Bale and Johnny Depp all dressed up like 1930’s gangsters? Nothing wrong with that.)

Anyway, to this end I present you with irrational hatred/inexplicable affinity list for your enjoyment. In no particular order:

Irrational Hatred
  • Tiger Woods Again, my argument is here, so I will not elaborate further, except to say I was hoping his comeback from knee surgery would take a bit longer, so the golf world wouldn't be back to all Tiger all the time quite so soon.

  • Bobby Flay I don’t know what it is about him, but he bugs the crap out of me. While it could have something to do with the the whole “celebrity chef” phenomenon being in itself annoying…I don't think that's it. It’s him. Jamie Oliver is cute as a button. I enjoy Tom Collichio on Top Chef. I bear no similar ill will toward Alton Brown or Paula Deen or even Rachel Ray (who actually might be teetering on the brink, because she is becoming more annoying as her media empire expands. And, not to digress, but I don’t get her thing with saying E.V.O.O. I understand that it is shorter to say than “extra-virgin olive oil”, but if brevity is your goal, why not just say "evo" [like “eve-o”]? It’s 2 syllables shorter and rolls much more easily off the tongue. Yeah, she definitely may be edging into Bobby Flay territory…)

  • Jamie Foxx I think this stems from when the movie Ray came out and I think for a while he started to think that he actually was Ray Charles, which…no. Jaime Foxx is no Ray Charles. (Kanye West didn’t help things by using Foxx on Gold Digger while also sampling Charles' “I Got a Woman”.) I maintain that Ray Charles would never have an eponymous crappy WB sitcom Also, I have issues with actors who also need to have a “music” career (i.e. ScarJo, below) Plus, he's in that Soloist movie that is about to come out, so he's been all over the place lately. Let's hope he doesn't start to think he actually is a homeless schizophrenic street musician.

  • Scarlett Johansson I just don’t get the appeal. She’s like the Hollywood it girl and it just seems like she’s not that hot or that good an actress or even remotely interesting. And releasing an album of Tom Waits covers is just too pretentious for words.

Inexplicable Affinity
  • Ryan Reynolds See, here is a classic example of why the hatred/affinity is irrational/inexplicable. Ryan Reynolds is married to Scarlett Johansson. And before that he was engaged to Alanis Morisette, who I don’t really mind that much nowadays, but who was right up there on the irrational hatred list in her heyday. His movies are generally not good, and he could easily have that Dane Cook sort of aura about him (you know, like slacker hipster asshole). But he is charming and pretty and seems like a nice enough fellow. Horrible taste in women, though.

  • Pete Carroll I kind of hate USC. Again, for no real reason other than I think they are over-hyped and overpraised when they really don’t play very stiff competition out on the west coast. Plus, I hate the whole vibe of L.A. teams with all the celebrity “fans”. That being said, I think Pete Carroll is hot. I just can’t help it. I love a silver fox.

  • Rick Pitino Basketball coaches are creepy. I cite Pat Riley and Billy Donovan as examples of what I mean. Whenever I look at them I get a vibe that is combination of the stereotypes “douchy New York Italian guy” and “used car salesman”. The slicked back hair and the smarmy demeanor…ugh, it drives me crazy. And Rick Pitino should fit solidly in that mold. From New York? Check. Italian-American? Check. He coached and mentored Donovan…practically created him. And, he played ball in Massachusetts and coached the Celtics, which brings in another whole set of Boston based stereotypes (And I’m not saying these stereotypes are fair or true, but they exist. Think the Jimmy Fallon/Rachel Dratch characters on SNL) But, I like Pitino for some reason. Maybe he’s really just a Kentucky boy at heart.

  • Jason Statham He keeps on making those Transporter movies, and seemingly similar fare like Crank and Death Race. Dude likes driving fast (even in The Italian Job, he was mostly the driver). But, he got his start in Guy Ritchie’s movies, and he was really quite good in The Bank Job (a straight-up acting role with no fast driving or kung-fu fighting). And, he seems quite charming, in that London hard man sort of way, which I am a sucker for.

  • Jay Mohr He seems like one of those comedians that’s funny, but might also be kind of a dick. He seems like every frat boy you've ever known (again, I must cite Dane Cook as a model, who surprisingly is not on the list. Bordering on it, but I don’t really have that much occasion to think about him…) And, he is friends with Jim Rome, which does not speak well of Jay (and who is not on the list, because I feel that my hatred of him is totally justified. Also, that's another sports guy, and they are already overrepresented, which makes me seem like some kind of sports nut, which I am totally not) But, he is funny, and his Andrew McCarthy impression is priceless (and surprisingly unavailable on the Internet) as is his Walken.

09 April 2009

I love my new sheets!

Like, to a stupid degree. Here they are from afar:

Just looks like they have a random design or floral pattern, right? Oh no, let's take a closer look:

They're skulls. SKULLS!

06 April 2009

Who exactly is designing these pants?

So, I am not a short girl.  I’m not like freakishly tall or anything, but I’m around 5’7’’-ish, which is a bit above average for a woman.  (Ok, I looked it up and the average height for an adult female in the U.S. is 5 feet 3.8 inches.  That is totally short, yo.)  So what I want to know is: what is up with pants today?  

I bought a pair of pants this weekend, and marked on the tag it clearly says “regular” (referring to the length, as opposed to “short” or “petite” for your more vertically challenged individuals, or “long” for those who actually are freakishly tall)  Regular would seem to indicate “for those of average height”, right? So why are these pants like 4 inches too long? I had the same problem with a pair of Levis I bought a while back.  If I wore them without shoes, the cuffs reached down past my heels so I was walking around with half my foot covered in denim.  Are women’s pants designed for giants?  I realize it’s better to err on the side of too long.   Pants that are too long can be hemmed, but it’s a bit impractical to try to make them longer after the fact.  But, isn't that what the “long” version is for?  I think they are trying to fit too many people into the “regular” category.  I mean, if the "regular" length will work for someone who is 6' tall, then who exactly is buying the "long" version?  Is there a previously unknown race of Amazons in need of pants?

Anyway, I’m wearing the new pants today with heels, and they are about right (and I realize that choice of shoe can impact pant length, which is a whole other pain in the ass), so I think I can get away without hemming them (as long as I never want to wear these pants with flats.)  Girl clothes are complicated.

03 April 2009

Consumer Crush

I love these pretzles. Here's the problem...they are so hard to find. Originally, I discovered them at the Killearn Publix, but I haven't seen them there since. They have them at the Fresh Market, but they are often sold out. Last week, I encountered them at the Publix on Capital Circle NE (the one by the Lowes @ Centerville Rd). There were 3 bags left on the shelf and I bought all 3. This was mostly because I figured I should stock up while the getting was good...it's not like they wouldn't keep. I must admit though, that it was also due to the fact that I when I put 2 of the bags in my cart, I felt bad that the other bag was left all alone on the shelf. I have anthropomorphization issues. I'm a sucker for the pathetic fallacy...

02 April 2009


Is it wrong that when I heard this story last week, my first thought was, "I hope Andy and Red are OK"?